


Finding You

by Bookwyrm743



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV), The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Badass Clarke, Clarke doesn't believe Clarke, Crossover, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, FTWD, Finding you - Kesha, Grounder Clarke Griffin, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, No one believes Clarke, Reincarnation, The spirit of Wanheda, This story is ridiculous but it's stuck in my head so there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-05-14 00:17:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19262104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookwyrm743/pseuds/Bookwyrm743
Summary: Clarke Griffin is left at the end of s5 wondering what she's going to do, everyone she knows and loves is dead, buried, or stuck in space. There's only one person talking to her now, and Wanheda is claiming that she can bring her back to Lexa. There's a deal, and provisions, but this time Clarke is prepared to enter this world with knowledge and power and she is ready to kick some ass, and bring back her girl. No matter what it takes.





	1. Chapter 1

Clarke 

 

She’s been my constant companion since Atom died. Like the guilt, she shaped my actions.. Not entirely, but I can’t claim that all my actions were my own. Sometimes all it would be is a gesture, or a random thought, in honesty the way she talks to me reminds me of the way that Finn haunted my steps for the weeks following his death. Subtle hints and easily misread intentions.

She faded after… After Lexa died. At first I thought it was for the best, but everything fell apart so quickly. I tried everything I could think of, and it all seemed to crumble in my hands. Eventually the whole world tore itself apart, and all I was left with was this damn microchip, and Wanheda staring me down waiting to be acknowledged. Well fuck her.

I stomped through the sand, digging around for any pieces of the rover that had fallen off. Without all her solar panels she was nothing more than a giant brick and the windstorms aren’t friendly to anyone, not to mention the things that rumble under the sand in the dark. My first night out I saw a lump traveling just under the surface towards me. After that little scare I stay in the rover at night.

As darkness falls I abandon my search until the morning. A few more hours of disuse aren’t going to ruin the damn panels, and there’s no way in hell I’m getting eaten by whatever managed to survive praimfaya. I climb into the back seat and yank the door shut, locking it behind me.

Sitting across from me in the back seat, our legs flopped across each other in the cramped space sit the one who could have fixed all of it. She’s been doing this for weeks now. Following me, staring at me, refusing to talk. I will not be the one to break the silence. I’m not fucking weak anymore.

“That’s why I came back Clarke.” Her lips didn’t move, but then that’s not really her shtick is it? “I understand your bitterness. I wish I could have helped you.”

“So why didn’t you?” I snapped, finally done waiting for an explanation, “Why the hell did you fuck off as soon as things got hard? As soon as..” I sobbed, wrapping my arms tight around my chest.

“You would have died.” She said softly, trying to reassure me.

“So? Maybe thousands of others could have lived!” I snapped, “I’m the last person living on the surface of this godforsaken shithole, and all I have for company is a nation of corpses and your sorry fucking ass!” I kicked out at her and my foot clanged against the side of the rover.

She shook her head at me and gave me this look like.. Like I was a sad, hurt child and she wanted to hug me or comfort me. I’d seen that look a thousand times on Abby’s face and it never did jack shit. “If you’re not back to make this better, then you’d better fuck off.”

I glared at her, waiting for a response, and when none was forthcoming, I yanked a blanket over my shoulder and curled up to sleep.

 

_Golden rays of light reflecting off bare skin. That’s all I see when I wake up. Soft furs wrapped around us, keeping us warm in the crisp fall air pouring through the windows, stirring her hair. Everything is so quiet and perfect, I need to know it’s real._

_I reach out and touch her skin. God… It’s real. She’s real._

_Once I feel the warmth of her skin, I can’t bring myself to stop. I trace my fingers down her arm, across swirling lines of ink and then back up again to strong shoulders. Shoulders that have carried so many burdens alone. Burdens she now shares with me._

_I wish I could make it up to her, to explain how much it means to have her trust, and her love. To be the object of those secret smiles and soft looks. She is everything, and she has chosen to share it with me._

_After everything I’ve said and done, to her, for her…_

_I lean forward and press my lips to her shoulder. It’s silent, but I hope that it carries all of the gratitude and love in my heart. I linger for just a moment, letting the smell of candle wax and bath oils wash over me._

_When I finally pull away, she turns around to look at me and I’m trapped in her gaze._

_Her eyes pull me into this swirling eternity of love and devotion, promising me everything I could ever want for. Every time that our eyes meet I know that she’ll tempt me with this softness, this perfection that could stretch on until time itself no longer exists, and I know that I have to say no._

_The same way that I know she has to ask._

_Tears stream down my face as I realize that this isn’t forever, this moment isn’t ours to keep._

_These are seconds stolen from obligation and presented as our last chance._

_I want it. I want everything she has to offer me, and I want to give her the world in return. Desperately, fervently, ardently I wish I could say yes, please, give me the world and I will give you my heart. But I can’t._

_We stole this time and eternity has demanded we return it._

_“I don’t want you to go.” It’s barely a whisper, but her pain cries out in the silence, screams for me to stay with her and a single tear bears the ocean of sorrow building between us._

 

I scrubbed the tears from my eyes and pushed myself out of the back of the Rover, digging frantically through the sand for the broken off pieces of solar panels. I sniffled, feeling the drying skin stretching and pulling as the streaked tears dried on my cheeks. “You’re still here.” I turned to look at my little ghost, Wanheda standing next to me, watching with her hands folded.

“You said I only had to leave if I wasn’t planning to help you fix this.”

There wasn’t room in that moment to let myself hope, there wasn’t a chance to question or hate her. I just had to go. I hung up the panels on the racks on either side of the Rover and plugged them into the system, “What do I need to do?” The metal under my fingers was already beginning to get warm.

“We will have to prepare.”


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke

 

“Okay Bellamy, I guess this is take one on the insane train.” I murmured, cleaning Lexa’s blade.. My blade now. “So the thing is, no one’s answering me. Octeivia and the rest in the bunker have gone quiet, they’re stuck under the rubble of the tower and they are busy trying to make things work. You guys are maybe dead, maybe too busy to see if you left me here to die. Either way it’s just me. Just me and the train, so I’m getting on.

“I uh, what this means is that I’m going to try and find a way off this rock. There’s nothing left for me here, and there’s a chance that, a chance that I could find Lexa.” The air caught in my throat, I could feel the hope choking me already, “Okay? So whatever the hell happens, just know that I don’t hate you, or any of the others, but there’s nothing left for me here. My life is worth more than just survival. It’s about more.”

I glanced to the side when I realized that Wanheda was waiting for me to finish up. “I’ll explain more later. For now I have to go train.” As soon as I switched off the mic, it was right back to work. Hunting, stalking, training, all the most important parts of living in a world where everything is against you. At first I didn’t understand, but she was quick to explain.

_ “This new place, it is much like your world before the first praimfaya in your records. It was a world of tech, vehicles, great monuments to humanity.” _

“I take it they have their own praimfaya?”

_ “Yes, one you can’t stop, no one can, but much like you did here, you can ease the passing.” _

I scoffed, growling to myself when my boot crunched on another hunk of wood. More failure. Great. “So what, we build a bunker and weather it out? I won’t lock myself in a goddamn box to starve when something goes wrong.”

_ “No, no there’s beings there at work, like you and I, but in opposition. They started this praimfaya, but we can light the sparks that will end it.” _ She nodded to herself, sounding like she was trying to convince both of us.

“How? Why? Why should I bother trying to end a way between the spirits when I can just go to this place and find Lexa?” Maybe it was selfish, but I’d rather be scolded by Lexa. She can tell me how wrong it is, how selfish and cruel. I’ll take it and be happy. “What’s to stop me?”

_ “The same thing that brings you to this point. If you ignore your purpose, then you lose your potency. This incarnation of Lexa will die too, and you’ll be left broken and helpless once more, in a world far more cruel than this one.” _

I stomped a bug and scooped the oozing thing off the ground, “I’ll believe that when I see it.” I grouched, grimacing when the bitter crunch hit my tongue.

 

“I didn’t mean to, but I think I lied. This isn’t just crazy, it’s joking stupid. Wanheda, she.. I am going to a place where the dead come back and not in a nice way. We have a plan, I don’t exactly like it, but it makes sense. We’re going to do better this time, not just hide from the end, but we’re gonna fight it. I’m gonna make these people safe there, I’m going to protect them, and I’m gonna do it right this time.

“Does that make sense? Do you see why I have to do this? It’s Lexa, but it’s also for me. I’ve tried so hard to be the good guy, I’ve tried so hard to save people, to heal them, but I just keep killing them. We’ve talked, and I think I can help them. I have to go.”

 

“You know Bell, I kinda hoped by this point I wouldn’t be talking to a static box, but I guess you have other priorities. Just, don’t forget while I’m gone, don’t forget that there’s more to this place than just killing and fighting for every scrap of land. If you ever make it back down here and find the Rover, you’d better joking listen to me you branwoda goufa, camp roun yu kru, and fucking stay there. That’s all that matters. You keep them safe, and don’t sweat the little stuff. There’s always enough to go around if you’re willing to look for it.

“Don’t make the same mistakes the hundred made. Don’t make my mistakes. You’ll be golden.” I turned off the mic and put the Rover into standby mode. As long as the dust storms didn’t make it out this far, Raven would find the beacon on her baby and they could find the transmissions. If they looked for it.

My bag packed with my sword, my notebook, and a few pieces of jerky from some fairly unidentifiable tiny creatures that had started peeking out in the last few months. Last year, and the one before that, all we had was bugs. Big ones, small ones, crunchy ones and the nasty bitter ones. Turns out, bug connoisseur while not exactly my ideal future, is something I’m good enough at that I know the difference between the ones that make me vomit, and the ones that don’t.

Hopefully that’s one skill I won’t need in this new world. Wanheda’s little smirk however, has me worried that it might end up part of the plan. “How does this work?”

We’d talked about it a few times, but never really gotten into the fine details of the process. Just the general, going to another world through the power of Wanheda basics. She just smiled at me,  _ “You’re going to die. Here. Normally, your soul is wiped clean of your memories, and your body renewed for a new world. As my vessel, I can bring you to this world without the formalities.” _ She held out her hand, “ _ It will be strange, and disorienting, but I believe it is fairly painless.” _

“Oh, so reassuring.” I scoffed, taking her hand, “Monty’s moonshine had better guarantees than that.”

She gave me that warm smile and squeezed my fingers in a way that I almost felt.  _ “I’m afraid it is different for everyone, you and I have… An interesting relationship with this place.” _

There was no real answer I could give to that so I just followed in her footsteps.

The ground beneath our feet became more than just rubble and dust, it rippled out into an intricate grid. It’s like a knitted blanket, like the one I had as a baby, the netting was tight, forming tiny interweaving circles under my feet. The strands glowed white in an indigo emptiness.

_ “What do you see?” _ Wanheda murmured, startling me out of my trance,  _ “It’s different for everyone.” _

“I uh… It’s like a weave.. There’s a green thread in front of me.”

_ “Follow it.”  _ She urged,  _ “You have to trust to your path even when I am elsewhere.” _

“Right, other folds and shit.” I joked, trying not to let that thought mess with me anymore than it needed to. “How will I know when to stop?”

_ “You’ll know Clarke.” _

Nodding to myself, I took the lead. Images filled the darkness surrounding the web, all of them forming a kind of static around me that was lost, all of it was lost except for her. Lexa in all walks of life, all ages and all kinds of places. Smiling, laughing, fighting, crying, it was Lexa’s lives I walked through. I stopped on one. A young Lexa, younger than I knew her, less aged by the stress of leadership. She wore modern clothes, more like the ones on the Ark, but less worn, brighter colors, shoes that looked more aesthetically appealing than helpful.

This is the one. This is the Lexa I have to help. 

The next step dropped us both through time and darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment we've all been waiting for, Clarke's first steps into a new world. Her preparations for the coming storm, and maybe, just maybe, an old friend?

Clarke

 

Something yanked on my foot and I kicked out, getting a yelp in return. Scrambling to my feet, heart pounding in my ears, I saw the young man scrambling off. Shit, did he take anything? I grabbed at the hilt of my blade.. Holy shit.. “Wait” I ran after him, scrambling through piles of rotten papers and waste bags. “Chill yu daun! Ai gon spika yu au!” I called after him.

“Girly I don’t know what the hell you’re on about, but can you shut up?” A woman snapped from a pile of trash, “Some of us are trying to take a damn nap.”

“I.. Sorry.” I raised a hand, backing away from her flimsy trash hut. “Sorry.” She glared at me until I was out of her line of sight. I walked out of the narrow alleyway and into a street. “Holy shit..” I spun full circle, taking in the massive buildings around me, taller than any trees, nearly as tall as Polis tower. “No wonder they’re called skyscrapers..”

Dozens of people walked the streets, seemingly hundreds more in vehicles like the Rover, sleeker. Better paint jobs. All kinds of bright, artificial colors. I’ve never seen so many colors outside glowing forest, and the historical recordings.

“Hey!” I grabbed someone by the arm, “Hey, what city is this?”

He jerked out of my grasp, “La Quinta.” He took off a bit faster before I could grab him again. I heard him mutter, “Crazy Bitch.”

Idiot, who wouldn’t think I’m crazy? My things are ancient, faded, I belong back with the trash woman, baking under the garbage more than I do with these people. I suppose my first order of business is to test the waters. I walked past a stand full of papers and grabbed one, leaning against a corner of a building to read through the information. Some of it made sense, but most of it was just useless extra information.

Just a few days left before everything falls to pieces. I need to prepare.

 

First step is new clothes. Well, actually it was a bath. Someone had a manmade pond in their backyard big enough to hold a dozen people, and after a wash in that, life feels a hell of a lot better. Of course the chemicals in it made my eyes burn, but what else could I expect from these people? Their whole world was ending and they are just as well prepared as mine before the bombs dropped.

Taking clothes was just as easy. I walked into some building with racks of clothes on display, grabbed a few that looked right, and tried them on in the back rooms. After that it was just a matter of ripping out the ID tags and then walking out with them on. I left the torn rags from home in the changing room, and no one questioned me. I don’t know why, but I guess they assumed I belonged there, they assumed that clean hair and clothes means I won’t steal from them.

They remind me of the Ark.

It feels wrong.

The food stores are far more strict about their ware than the clothing ones. They have sensors of some kind that scream when unbought goods pass through them. Or they do in the front anyway. The run took me for miles, but still set me in front of another one of those same stores, with the same signs overhead. This time I got smart, I left my things hidden back behind the building, took one of their little mesh vests from off the hook and grabbed a cart full of random things. Cans, bagged food, boxes of all kinds.

Turns out all you have to do is say, ‘I’m new’ whenever someone mentions they don’t recognize you. For the one or two people who even bother to look at you. I walked the cart out the back, just past the trash piles and giant bales of reinforced paper boxes. Most of the lighter stuff I shoved in my pack to last the next few days. The rest went into a hole in the bushes, shallow, but hard to find. That’s all that matters.

I hit three more that day, all ranging out further east. By the time night fell, I collapsed on the bank of a manmade river and passed out with nothing more than some boxes between my head and the concrete beneath me.

I slept like a rock and the next morning, it was clear that things in the world were not as fine as they seemed. People didn’t linger on the sidewalks as much, and I wasn’t the only one trying to put everything I could on a cart and leave with it. That’s when I noticed the dispenser. A little mechanized water dispenser that you could just hit the button and water came out of it. Sinks in the bathrooms that didn’t have any timers or stops on them to end the flow after fifteen seconds.

Some had pumps, but most of them were free flowing. Instead of fighting with the others over the dwindling stacks of water bottles, I went for their flavored liquids. They had a ‘soda’ aisle, and everything there was marked rather low for prices, so I went for them. The labels had ingredient lists marking ungodly amounts of sodium and sugars, but if I dump them out and fill them with water, that’ll work just as good.

It took a lot more work to get that one done, in the end I took one of the plastic cards I saw some using to pay for their things. The exchange overseers made a lot of jokes about how many bottles I had, asking about parties, joking about the number of scared people.

My last trip on the fourth day is when I saw it. Passing by a section full of boats and fishing rods and guns, but in the back was a bow and arrows. It was nothing like what the grounders used, but as a silent way to kill, and a renewable source of ammunition, I could almost feel Wanheda’s hand on my chest, stopping me. “Ai got in, joking keryon.” I grouched, “No need to be so forceful.”

We’d never discussed the need for a weapon other than a sword, but the idea caught hold of me, of both of us, and I tucked it into the cart along with two dozen arrows. Maybe this is all we need. Over a dozen different caches of food and water all across the city.

“This is enough right?” I panted, the heat pressing down on me like a weight. It wasn’t as bad as Praimfaya, nothing is that bad, but this, after a few hours of work it feels like my whole body is stretching thin. I’m eating and drinking twice what the rations on the Ark were, and I’m still struggling to find the moisture on my tongue.

_ “Rest Clarke.” _ Wanheda touched my sweat-sticky back,  _ “There will be a great deal more work in the coming days. Tomorrow will be the worst of it. Take what you have and sleep, that’s all we can do for now.” _

“Yeah, yeah, hope for the best.” I nodded, pushing myself to my feet with a low groan. “Haven’t felt this bad in a long time.” The ground radiated heat through my boots, frying me alive. The concrete and asphalt just seemed to magnify the brutality of the elements, and not a single tree here had even a semblance of the strength needed to hold a person, let alone cover anyone. So I followed the water, followed it to the busy part of town, and entered a hotel.

The stolen card was enough to get me a room, bottom floor and quite a few questioning looks.

Nearly a week of hysteria and burning demolished the city’s inhabitants before I tried leaving. More than once someone broke into my room, taking everything they could find and running before the screams and groans followed them. Honestly, it kinda feels like a vacation. 

 

_ As soon as my lungs began taking in air again I could feel the inherent wrongness there. I pushed myself to my feet and looked around, taking in the massive buildings around me. All of them as tall as Polis tower with many more smaller buildings surrounding them, growing smaller as they spread further from the towers near her. “Skaiswisa…” I had only ever read about skyscrapers in our history books, seen pictures in the databases we were supposed to explore for homework. Most were long gone before any Arker touched the ground. _

_ Though I suppose there are no more Arkers or Grounders anymore. Just people surrounded by buildings of glass and concrete, their cars left scattered down asphalt roads. Raven would have loved it here. The light bounced off the glass tower at my side and it was a dull orange, night falling based on the warmth of the ground beneath me. _

_ My awestruck staring was broken by a raspy growl behind me. It sounded like the death rattle of someone drowning from the liquid in their lungs. I turned, drawing my sword. _

_ My enemy faced me, but it was just a man. His arm bent at an angle so impossible that it had to be broken in at least two places, but he didn’t seem to notice. Right in the center of his chest was a dark grey knot that seemed to overlay my view of him. I didn’t need  Wanheda’s violent hiss in my ear.  _ **_Abomination!_ ** _ I knew that he was the source of the wrongness I felt. “Yu gonplei ste odon ripa.” _

_ I stalked forward, drawing his attention as he shuffled towards me, heedless of the blade awaiting him. I swung and felt Wanheda guide it with her hand, up through both her ghostly head and his very real one. _

_ His thread severed and the man fell to the ground as nothing more than a bleeding corpse.  _

 

I sat bolt upright, my heart feeling like it’s going to explode. “That’s what they are? That’s what’s out there?” I looked for Wanheda, she had to be the one who gave me the dream, right?

She had her arms folded over her chest, looking out the window warily,  _ “I’m sorry, I had to wake you. It’s time.” _

“No I..” I scrubbed my face clean of the dream and got up, “Nevermind. The lab, it’s just one city over right?” I climbed out of bed and checked the map spread across the table, making sure none of my markings had smeared.

_ “Yes, but don’t forget that you’ll need to-” _

“We only spent three years on this, I know.” The map got tucked away into a deep pocket of my rucksack, and I hooked the sword onto my belt opposing my trio of arrows. The rest were secured into the pack. If there’s more than three to dispatch, they’re going to be close enough I need the sword. “I’ll keep to the shadows until I find the guardians, then we make a break for the lab. I just wish you could describe them, or give me one of those fancy dreams of yours so I had more to go on than just that ‘I’ll know’ skrish.”

That got the spirit to laugh, _ “I’m afraid feelings and intuition is your gift Clarke. Without it, you would be any other vessel.” _

“Yeah right.” I grinned, pulling my dust mask up over my mouth, “You know I’m way better than all the other vessels you’ve ever had.” I ignored the raging heartbeat pounding in my ears and opened the window in my room. No one was out there from what I could see, so I hopped down, letting the impact vibrate through my legs. It’s going to be okay, it’s not going to be like the dream, she was just being dramatic. I can do this. Easy peasy.

Come on girl, shake off those nerves and start walking.

The morning was already beginning to warm up when I unfroze my legs and started moving north. I kept off the main roads, trying to avoid the mountain men in their trucks, patrolling the streets for the sick. The houses with their big fences were too dangerous to chance, too many places for the monsters to hide in.

So I traveled in the alleyways full of garbage and mouldering food, the waste of a bloated nation out of sync with their origin.. And their future.

_ “Don’t judge them too harshly Clarke, they thought the answer to this, and many other problems was to abandon the earth. Like your people did.” _

I spat. My people were all fools, every last one of them.

A trash pile moved, letting out a deep rattle as the creature under the trash heap tried to free itself from its flimsy little hut. I drew my blade and moved the newspaper from its face, only to recoil in disgust.

The thing’s eyes were clouded white, it’s teeth rotting out of a decomposing skull. I’ve never seen a corpse so decayed, let alone one that still moves it’s… It’s like my dream. I have to..? I bit my lip and followed the urging from my dream, driving my blade through its skull. The death rattle stopped and the thing stopped struggling, slumping down into the trash. “Oh god..”

_ “It was a good kill.” _

The smell hit my nose, like the mountain, all of those rotting corpses and-

Bile hit the asphalt with a splatter, making the smell that much worse. “That’s what happened. This is their praimfaya, death itself has turned back.”

_ “And it is your duty to ensure their fights end.” _

“I-I know, I just.. It’s different than just talking about it. This is real, this is.. God this is monstrous, people made this?”

_ “All the ones who had a hand in this have gone the way of the earth. Their successors though, they have the capacity to reverse this, to kill this off once and for all.” _

I pushed myself back from the corpse and wiped my mouth on the back of my hand, “I’m no goufa, ai get in won yu spika au, but that doesn’t make it easy.” I cleaned my blade off on the corpse’s arm and kept walking.

The next one wasn’t as… shocking. A man stumbling towards me, arms outstretched, giving that low rattling snarl like his lungs were full of liquid. A miracle considering how dry everything is out here. I held my blade out and watched him impale himself on it, the tip going through his throat. A flick of my wrist and his head came off. The face still working, jaw snapping at me eve with his body crumpled to the ground. “What a world..” I put the blade through his skull and sighed, moving on.

Each one after that felt wrong too, my sense of them got better with each encounter. Soon enough it was just a matter of being quiet and listening for the signs. I don’t even know if it’s a supernatural thing, or just the rattling breaths, the scrape of shoes on the sidewalk, that lumbering gait that draws my attention.

Whatever it is, there isn’t that inherent sense of wrongness from my dream, but the closer they are to me, I start to feel the hairs rise on the back of my neck. I feel the hairs prickle again and swing around to see a woman pointing a gun at me.

Oh my god… “Raven?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations  
> Chill yu daun! Ai gon spika yu au! - Calm down! I want to talk to you!
> 
> Ai got in, joking keryon. - I know, fucking spirit.
> 
> Yu gonplei ste odon ripa. - Your fight is done, killer.
> 
> Skrish - shit
> 
> I’m no goufa, ai get in won yu spika au - I'm no untrained child, I understand what you're saying


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are missing Raven from Lagging behind, here's your extra dose. She's a little Raven, a little Lindsey, and a lot of the person we know and love. We are starting our first perspective change here, and from now on, the perspective will change every few chapters until I get bored of that.  
> Thank you guys so much for your support, and if any of you would like me to post translations of Clarke's random forays into Trigeda, please let me know and I'll start doing that.

Lindsey

 

To say that things are fucked is an understatement. Like a major understatement. To sum up, everything is dying and even worse it’s coming back afterwards. That’s right ladies and gentleman, in proper day of the dead status, the earth is crawling with motherfucking zombies. If you’d told me this was going to happen, I’d laugh my ass off and say that’s a bitching way to go. Turns out, not so much!

To make matters worse, everyone went fucking insane, so instead of chilling our tits and letting the police handle things, or swat or something, we rioted and looted and lit the whole damn house on fire, and turns out that kills things. So we went from a bad situation, to seriously fucked up in under a week. As it turns out now, I’m walking the streets, hiding from the boys with guns and toting one of my own for some fucking stupid reason.

That’s where Kemosabe comes in. Be still my poor gay little heart, I have never been so hot for a woman covered in viscera. I mean, I would be, but there’s something about her that I swear is familiar, and not in a ‘we totally banged while under the influence of tequila’ kind of way. More of a, we used to be friends forever ago, like kindergarten forever and Grandma Reyes would kick my ass for not remembering her.

“Raven?”

Kemosabe, you are hot but waaaay off. “Not even close. Do I know you? I could swear I’ve seen your face before.”

“No, you just..” She got this look like irony and depression were mixing, “You look like someone I knew  in another life.” She snorted.

“You okay there Kemosabe?” I took a step towards her, tucking my gun back into my waistband. I didn’t really want to touch the blood soaked hottie, but sometimes you gotta take one for the team, am I right?

That’s when she started talking gibberish. Like, a lot of gibberish, something about ‘us hitting each other up another time or something?’ and then she went into total hysterics. Giggling like a total mad lad and kept at it even after I clamped my hand over her pie hole.

“Are you fucking crazy?” I hissed, looking over my shoulder to make sure the zomboids or the boys in khaki weren’t closing in. “Dude!”

She batted at my hand, gasping for air as she slowly got a hold of herself and just kind of slumped on the ground. In the puddle of blood. Now, maybe this is just me, but I feel like normal people don’t just sit in blood puddles and giggle to themselves.. Did I just miss the memo? “Okay crazy, looks like we have to move now because half the town is probably looking for our asses now.”

She just looked up at me with this fond little grin, “Did you eat yet?”

“What?” She’s actually crazy. This bitch is going to die, and so am I. Why am I insisting that she come WITH me? I must have caught the crazy because I answered. “No, and lunch gets to wait until after your ass is inside.”

“Too dark, too many corners. We go up.” She pointed to the fire escape.

“Excuse me? Bitch I do not climb.”

Kemosabe seemed to take that as a challenge and stood up, smashing her shoulder into my waist, I’ll admit I pancaked over her shoulder like a bitch, but that fucking hurt. Then she was standing and I was smacked into the fire escape in a semi-standing, sorta holding on for dear life position. “You can’t just throw people!”

“It’s not as hard as it looks, you want to kick the ladder down please?” She looked towards the main road and I could see a pair of zomboids meandering our way.

There’s never just two, so I shelved the argument for later. “Consent matters Kemosabe.” I kicked the release on the ladder and we both grimaced at the screech of metal and the subsequent clang as it bounced off the asphalt. “Now get inside.” I hauled the window open for the first apartment, thankfully no vomit worthy smells usually means safe.

Kemosabe climbed up looking impressively nimble for someone with such a full pack, a sword and a bow. Then she just had to show off the biceps hauling the ladder back up. 

Damn, how have I not tapped that already?

“I’m from out of town.”

Oh shit, I said that out loud. “Oh?” My voice just cracked like a twelve year old boy seeing his first pair of titties and I’m officially not getting screwed. “So uh..” I looked around for something to do with my hands before I did something embarrassing like try to lean on a door frame or something. I ended up going for ‘ransack the cupboards’, “Where are you from?”

She didn’t reply for long enough that I actually checked to make sure she heard me. Turns out Kemosabe is just having all sorts of breakdowns today and I think they’re all my fault? Either way she looks ready to cry, “Hey, you don’t need to answer that, I know we all have our sob stories.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” She sniffed, “I uh, lived along the eastern coastline. Trees as far as the eye can see, lakes and rivers, the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen.”

“Why the waterworks?” I almost wanted to take it back when I saw her face twist in pain.

“It all burned.” She grabbed a dry wrinkly apple from the counter, “I’m the only one who survived.”

“Jeez, that’s..”

Kemosabe nodded, “That’s why I’m here, I uh, I’m looking for someone.” She looked down at the fruit. She shook her head and took a big old bite. I grimaced when it ended up being that nasty mealy definitely not crunchy apple sound, but she seemed to almost enjoy it. Kemosabe you are one weird bitch.

“So uh, do you knew where they were headed?” Cus these boots were made for walking, but I am not, and I don’t care how pretty or badass you are, I’m not following you to friggin Texas or something.

She shrugged her pack off and pulled out a box of Ritz, “Don’t worry about it, I don’t want anyone else putting themselves in danger to travel.”

“Ah,” I shouldn’t be hurt, we legit just met, but I’m kinda hurt. “So you taking off when the horde passes?” I snagged a few crackers when she offered them to me, but I didn’t want to be a bitch about it.

“What?” Kemosabe paused her nasty apple eating, “No, I still have to get some supplies together. It’s a five day walk. I’m planning to bring people back and I don’t want them starving when they get here either.” Kemosabe kinda trailed off, thinking really hard about something, “Look, it’s gonna take a while before I have to go, if you want we can run together until then. I have more than enough to share.”

“I uh,” Shit, okay so she’s weird, but maybe also not a total idiot, she sure uses that sword like a total badass. “Sure.” This is either going to be awesome, or suck some serious ass. “You have anywhere in particular you’re going? Every store I’ve been in has been ransacked all the way from here to LA.”

Kemosabe nodded, “There’s a WHO lab up north I wanna hit, and then there’s a place I know on the coast that should be safe. It’s abandoned, and we can desalinate for our water.”

I frowned a bit, she’s acting like this all is going to be sticking around for a while, “Don’t you think we’re gonna get in trouble for breaking and entering?”

“What do you think we’re doing now?” She looked around the little apartment, “If I were you, I wouldn’t depend on the government to fix this.”

Oh I get it, she’s one of those survivalist conspiracy nuts who think the government is behind the purging of humanity and all that shit. Okay, let’s see how far this rabbit hole goes. “Riddle me this Alice, if the government is still there, why wouldn’t they fix it?”

“They aren’t.” Okay, that’s not ominous at all. “We’re both hiding from mounon men, they’re shooting anyone outside their quarantine zones, you and I both know it. But there’s still plenty of ripa walking around, the dead aren’t going away, they aren’t decaying at a normal rate. In this heat and humidity, they should all be incapable of moving, muscle separated from bone. Not to mention the fact that they’re dead.

“Whatever caused this was intentional, and that means that either they let it out and are hiding somewhere, waiting out the storm, or it got out by accident.”

“Which would mean they’re all dead.” This rabbit hole is making an uncomfortable amount of sense.

“Exactly.” She polished off the apple like it was nothing and brushed her hands off. “So I’m looking for someone who can fix it.”

Man, this is some hardcore hero complex going on, “So what, you go out, you find some microscopes to cure the end of the world, and then you go find your boyfriend and his beach bros and bring him back to your party pad to celebrate saving the world?”

She laughed at me, just the one short little sarcastic, ‘hey you think you’re real funny’ kind of laugh. “No, I’m going to go find the people who started this, and I’m going to help them fix this, and then once the lab is supplied and secure, I’m going to find my woman and everyone that’s important to her, and I’m going to bring them back here so they’re safe and sound while I sort this shit out. That’s what I’m going to do.”

“Wow..” She means this. “You’re really sure of yourself.”

“It’s not the first time my whole world’s fallen apart.” She sighed, looking around and dropped her backpack on the couch, fished out a sword and a rock and started sharpening it, I think. “That’s enough of my sob story for one night. Tell me about yourself.”

What is this, Apocalypse anon? “Hiiii, I’m Lindsey, and I’m a survivor. I was visiting friends down in San Diego, we got separated in town. Figure they’re already gone with the jeep. So I’m just trying to get outta dodge before shit gets anymore real than it already is.”

She smiled a bit, “Sounds about right, I’m Clarke.”

“Nice to meet’cha.” I held out my hand and she clasped my forearm. It was kinda weird but firm.

“I think, if you don’t mind, we should stay here for the night. Uh, if you want to tag along.” For the first time she seemed unsure of herself and it’s kinda a weird look. Makes her look way younger.

“Yeah, no, I’ve got nobody in the area. God knows where my grandma is, and my friends are gone. Here I was worried you didn’t want to keep me around. Hero complex or not, you seem like you’ve got a plan.”

“Yeah I do.” Clarke nodded to herself, sharpening her sword. It was kinda rhythmic, soothing even. Drowned out the distant growls. “You want the bed or the couch?”

Shit I didn’t even look for a bedroom or check that the rest of the house was okay, we could have just died. I spun around and checked down the hallway to make sure the front door was locked and then the bedroom. I walked in, checked all the corners and paused. This place belonged to a girl, there’s pictures of her all over the walls. Her friends, family, a guitar in the corner. I shut the door gently and returned to the living room to see Kemosabe taking up as little space as possible on the chair. Maybe she had the same thought.

“I’ll take the floor, I don’t..” I shook my head, “I think we should stay together. Safety in numbers and all that.”

“Take the couch, it’s too soft for me anyway.” Kemosabe shifted to the floor and sighed, “You mind if I take a quick nap? I haven’t slept in a day or two.” Holy crap sister.

I looked around to make sure the window was secured and nodded, “Sure, I’ll wake you up if something happens.”

“Thanks.” Her head dropped back onto the seat of an armchair and she didn’t move after that.

Damn, could I use that. I couldn’t even sleep like that before the world ended, let alone after. Sleep never really came easy to me, too many things to worry about, too many ideas running through my head, how I’m going to get into the masters program, what I’m going to study for my thesis.. So much wasted time. I could have been partying it up, enjoying life. Instead I spent most of my nights holed up in my apartment studying like a fiend and praying for a few hours of sleep.

I entertained myself for like a whole hour going through the cupboards, taking anything edible, filling my water bottle from the stuff still in the pipes. All the basic stuff. And then I was just sitting on the couch watching Kemosabe sleep. It’s not that easy to entertain a brain like mine, so I.. Maaay, have peeked into her backpack. Just a little. Just to make sure she isn’t some psychopath who like, keeps zombie heads in her purse or some shit like that.

It’s part of my civic duty to check.

So I flipped the zippers down and checked the frontmost pocket. A hunting knife, and some piece of sharpened, like, construction steel? It had a ‘JM’ carved into the yellow stripes on it, and instead of a handle it was just a curved bit that curled over the knuckles. It also had some homemade pencils or something, charcoal sticks wrapped in bark and tied with like, long grass fibers? Hella homemade.

They clicked together a bit, but Kemosabe didn’t even twitch, so I kept peeking. Next pocket was all boxes of crackers and shit, dried goods, smushed down to make them fit together better. I guess Kemosabe doesn’t mind eating crumbs, kinda nice she gave me the uncrushed ones though. She’s a sweet girl.

The back pocket had the good stuff. Extra arrows for the bow sitting on the floor by her, a map, a sketchpad, some rolled up leather thing full of dried grass. Not weed, I checked. I pulled the map out and unfolded it onto the table.

Man, to say this girl has a plan is almost as big an understatement as mentioning that this might be an apocalypse. She had it all marked out, ‘WHO lab’ up in Palm Springs, and a path marked down to a spot on the coast just north of Carlsbad. ‘Sanctuary’ is what it said. Then all the way out in fucking New Mexico was a little circle labeled ‘Lexa’. I looked over at her.

Skinny, gaunt eyes, fair skin under her tan. Dust mask, leather coat, thick jeans, combat boots. Good clothes but she must be roasting in those, and this beach babe in the biker get-up is going to walk all the fucking way to New Mexico. In five days. She must be tripping hard.

“You’re one crazy bitch.” I informed the sleeping woman, “Gonna keep myself on your good side.”

“I don’t hurt people.” She murmured, her eyes still closed, “Not anymore.”

Well if that isn’t ominous I don’t know what the fuck is. I waved my hand in front of her face, but she didn’t move, I dunno if she’s going for the creep factor or if her dreams are shitty but that was fucking creepy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mounon men - Soldiers


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay my dudes, we are going to come across our first little hiccup, and our second guardian! It's an exciting chapter with a lot more gedasleng from an excited Clarke.
> 
> Also, quick update on all the chapters, I've added translations in the end notes to all chapters and will continue to do so. Thanks for all your comments and kudos guys, it means a ton!

Lindsey

 

I woke up to the thud of bodies and distant growls. I sat up, grabbing for my pistol when I saw Kemosabe hanging half out of the window. She had one foot propped up on the armchair, arm drawn back like she was swinging a baseball bat, and then there was a twang and another thud. “What are you doing?” I mumbled, holding my head. I haven’t slept like that in a long time.

“Target practice.” She said quietly, drawing another arrow from her backpack, “They never left, so I’ve been picking them off.”

I got up to look through the other window and a dozen bodies littered the ground out front, “How long have you been up?”

“Never went back to sleep.”

No wonder you’re crazy. “You eat yet?”

“Not hungry, you go ahead though. We’ve got plenty.”

I rolled my eyes, “We have two boxes of ritz, some canned tuna, and a pack of Nillas. Plus the random junk we found in here.”

“I don’t eat much. I’ll be back in a minute.” She swung her other leg out the window and before I could do anything she disappeared like a motherfucking badass.

“You alive down there?” I poked my head out the window to see her chopping through the other zomboids like they were made of butter. It is single-handedly the coolest, and most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. Two whole minutes, I timed it. She took down a dozen zomboids like it was nothing, and then she was just collecting arrows like she wasn’t covered in blood and guts and ripping arrows out of human skulls. I don’t know what her story is but it has to be brutal.. No one’s that comfortable with the dead, no one.

She finished grabbing all her arrows and turned full circle, shading her eyes, “I think that’s everyone around here. We’ll be safe to move on if you’re ready to go.” She looked up, “Unless you wanna eat first.”

Not wanting to slow her down this early in the relationship, I shook my head, “No I’m good. I can snack on the way if I get hungry.”

She nodded and waved a hand, “Toss my bag out will you?”

“Sure thing.” I threw her bag out to her and climbed out through the fire escape. The alley was pretty nasty from all the boids walking through it, but nothing like the street. “So you said you’ve been walking for a few days,” I caught up with Clarke and let her lead the way, “You walk all the way from the East Coast?”

“Yup, drove some of it, ditched the car when it went dry. That was around the west end of Ingranrona.”

Not really sure where the fuck that is, but it’s not in Cali. “So you walked all the way from there, to out here, just to make it to this lab? Why?”

“It’s the only one I know about.” Clarke grimaced.

“How’d you find out about it Kemosabe?” I raised an eyebrow, “Some kinda crazy like, conspiracy theory web searches?” I teased.

“Something like that.” Clarke paused and then asked, “What’s Kemosabe mean?”

“What? You’ve never seen the Lone Ranger?” She shook her head, “That’s fucked up man.” What kind of person calls themselves educated and doesn’t watch Lone Ranger? At least turn on the Johnny Depp version. Ugh, that atrocity barely even counts. “Kemosabe is Tonto’s nickname for the Lone Ranger, it just means he’s a white man who made friends with the natives.”

Clarke snorted, “That’s uh, a lot more accurate than it should be.” She grinned, “I like it. Way better than Wanheda. Kyongedon Siderona, that’s what my natives would call it.”

“What is that, Cherokee or something?” That’s what the indians on the east coast are called right?

“Or something.” She laughed, “Kyongedon is what they call themselves, it means ‘earth gathered’ or uh, ‘the ones on earth’, we always just called them grounders.”

Okay, that’s kinda legit. “Cool, so you grew up around your uh, Kyongedon?”

“Yes, they’re the ones who taught me how to take care of myself. They called me Wanheda, commander of the wind.”

“Alright, now you’re just telling stories.” I teased, “That’s like fairy tale level shit right there, what earned you a name like that?”

“Ai bilaik mounon ripa, ripa kom fleim, en wormona kom Skaikru.” She replied, like I was going to know what any of that means.

“You what now?”

She elbowed me, “Just a bunch of fairy tale shit.” Her grin faded and she yanked me back against the bricks, a finger to her lips. She pointed over to our left and drew an arrow from her belt, but she didn’t bring it back to shoot yet. We waited for a few minutes and I heard the rumble across the ground of one of those jeeps, two of them, big ol’ tan fuckers drove right past with some dudes hanging off the sides with their AR’s.

Crap crap crap crap crap. I did my best to melt back into the wall. I’d seen those fuckers shoot first and ask questions later a dozen times. I don’t blame’em but I’m sure as hell not going to chance my life with them. Kemosabe seemed to have the same fucking idea because we stayed put for like fifteen minutes after they passed, holding our breath and hoping they didn’t turn around. I hadn’t even realized we’d made it back to the main roads.

I dunno what she’s thinking, but it must be the way to the lab.

“I think we’re safe.” She said softly, “We need to cross the road though, our goal is about fourteen miles that way.” She pointed, “I think the best way is just to make a break for it.”

“Yeah, you just lead the way Kemosabe, I’ve got your back.”

She grinned, “I know you do.” Clarke tucked the arrow back into her belt and took my hand, walking with me to the edge of the alley. She peeked out to make sure the road was clear, and then pointed out where we were gonna cross to, it was that and then we were running. Clarke dragging me across the road and crashed us both into the alley and a total stranger.

 

Dichen

 

I’ve always tried to be a good person, and I’d like to think that I’ve even done a fairly good job of that, but as it turns out.. Now really isn’t the time for good people anymore. As far as I know, it’s just people out to protect themselves, and the uh, the dead people. It’s almost like, it’s almost like everyone is dead, you treat every stranger like they’re already dead because you don’t know, you can’t know when they’re going to get hurt, or get lost and your best case scenario is that they’re gone and you’re out whatever they brought to the table, and the worst case is that you have another enemy and he’s right next to you trying to rip your.. your neck out..

It’s awful.

I watched people rip each other apart because they might have been bitten, and maybe they might end up being something awful someday. And that someday was enough to rationalize being something awful today. So I left. I keep to myself and I try to avoid people. If only so that they won’t come after me next, so that I don’t become like them either. I can’t do that. I can’t hurt people like that, or treat them like monsters. I just… I can’t.

So when they ran right into me, two of them, I think I panicked. One minute I was alone, hiding from the soldiers, and the next I was trapped under two bodies. I screamed, flailing out wildly at them.

One of them, the blonde one, she put a hand over my mouth and pinned one of my arms, “Shhh, chilla yu daun, shh!” She popped her head up to look around and I took a deep breath, shaking. She could kill me right now. Or her friend. “Mounon men are coming back, come on, we have to go.” She smacked her friend’s arm and dragged me to my feet.

Pain shot up my leg, “Ah!” My leg gave out and the blonde one caught me.

“Come on Onya, Lindsey, grab her other arm.” The blonde one ordered.

She grabbed me on my other side and they both lifted, making a kind of chair with their arms “You know this chick?” The latina panted.

“I don’t know either of you!” I protested.

“Shush,” The blonde ordered, I recoiled, but did what I was told. “I never thought you would be branwoda in any life.”

“Excuse me? What did you call me?” I looked to the brunette, “What did she call me?”

“Don’t ask me cheekbones, Kemosabe is the only one that speaks Cherokee here.”

The blonde rolled her eyes, “It’s gedasleng.” She corrected, only breathing a little harder despite moving really fast. The two of them were really moving fast, “I thought you didn’t run.” The blonde teased, practically reading my mind.

“I do, just not without provocation.” Lindsey stuck her tongue out.

This was too much, I can’t. “Put me down.” I shouldn’t be with people, not even nice people like these girls. It’s dangerous. “Let me go, I can walk from here.”

“Sure you can. Yuj gona like you, I bet you can go ten whole feet before you have to stop.” The blonde snarked.

“I don’t know what you’re saying, but I don’t like it.” I snapped, “Now put me down.”

The blonde let go without warning and I yelped. Lindsey mirrored it and we both went down. “What the hell Kemosabe!” The brunette snapped.

I just grimaced, trying not to make any more noise. My butt was aching now too, joining the sharp pain that shot up my leg every time my foot got jostled.

“If she wants down, that is her choice.” The blonde crouched over me, our faces just a few inches apart. It was intense, being stared at like that, I couldn’t look away if I wanted to. “I never thought you would be the one to commit suicide Onya. That’s what this is.” She put her hand on my knee but I was frozen in place. “Now you can get up and walk, or you can shut up and let us carry you. Which is it going to be Onya, those men are going to search this whole area, we don’t have time to argue. Choose.”

She stared me down for a long time before she finally squeezed my knee, and said that name again. “I-I can’t.” I croaked, “I can’t walk, it hurts too much.”

“That’s what I thought.” The blonde looked to her friend and I realized that we all must have been staring at each other in total silence. “Take my pack.”

“Do I look like a donkey to you? I’m not going to carry your stuff and her…” Lindsey paused, “And you aren’t going to carry her by yourself. Clarke. You know that’s ridiculous right?”

I looked at the blonde, I’m pretty sure I have like four inches on her, and we have to weigh practically the same. “It’s not possible, you’re going to hurt yourself.” I protested.

“I’m the one doing the carrying here.” She replied, “I will decide what is possible and what’s not. Lindsey take my pack.” She slung it off her shoulder and handed it to her friend. She held out her hand to me and pulled me up to stand on my good foot.

“You’re crazy, it’s going to be slower like this.” I wasn’t fighting, but I definitely didn’t like it, what if she uses this against me, claims that I owe them or something. “You should just leave me here.”

Blondie, or Kemosabe, or Clarke or whatever her name is gave me that look again, that intense look, glaring me down. “Yu gonplei na odon? Are you ready to die?” I didn’t answer, I couldn’t, but I guess something in my eyes answered for her. “Then hold on, because I don’t have time to be gentle.” She pressed back against me and hooked her hands under my thighs, scooping me up. She gave a little huff, but otherwise I don’t think it was an issue for her. Crazy as that sounds.

“Clarke are you-” Lindsey questioned and then shook her head, “I’m coming, I’m coming, damn Kemosabe, you wanna turn those death glares on the enemy?”

The blonde just shook her head, “Try to keep up.”

I gasped and knotted my hands in the shoulder of her jacket, pressing my face into the space there. She took off in this slow trot and it hurt so much, oh my god it hurts. Despite all her big talk, the blonde wasn’t going particularly fast. Faster than the dead, but I could tell after about ten minutes of attempting to jog with me on her back that she couldn’t go much longer, “Stop, stop, you’re going to pass out.”

With all the heat and the sun, and everything, I didn’t want to be responsible for her falling and hitting her head.

“I can keep going.”

“You don’t have to, stop, those soldiers aren’t going to come out this far just to look for one person. That’s crazy.” I reasoned, hoping maybe she would listen to that, “Come on, you aren’t good to anyone if you’re dead either.”

The blonde stopped, breathing heavily, “Yeah, okay.” She nodded, crouching down to set me down gently. As soon as I was off her back, she leaned over against the wall, still crouched down. I had to hop a bit to keep my balance, but once I got a hand on the wall it was pretty easy to stay up. “Lindsey, what street are we on?”

Lindsey leaned out, “Crossing of Lincoln and Sierra. How far is it?”

“It’s uh, that’s..” The blonde shook her head, digging a water bottle out of her bag and chugging about a quarter of it. “Eight miles? I don’t know. Too far for today.”

“Alright Kemosabe, you sit tight.” Lindsey patted her shoulder, “I’ll find us a spot, you too cheekbones.” She winked at me and started off down the alley.

“Are you gonna be okay?” I asked.

Blondie nodded, giving me an odd look, “It’s the least I can do, ai don lona au ai sonraun gon yu.”

“I don’t know what you mean, I think you have me mistaken for someone else.” I raised my hands, “I’m not this Onya or whoever.”

She gave a bit of a sigh and nodded, “I know you aren’t, but you look like her, and I owe her my life a few times over. So consider this paying it forward.. What’s your name?”

“I’m Dichen.” It seemed like the least I could do after they got me out of there, even if they got me in there in the first place. “Thanks for..” I gestured behind us, “You didn’t have to, even if I do look like your friend.”

“Being a decent person kinda implies you don’t let people die after you break their ankle.”

“Is that what you are?” I don’t know why the question popped out of my mouth, but it felt important, like something we both needed to know.

She blinked, looking down, “I’m trying.”

“Bullshit.” I called it, and she looked at me, her face splitting into a grin.

Blondie pursed her lips to try and hide her smile, “I’ve done this all wrong. My name is Clarke Griffin.” She held out her hand to me.

I reached out to shake and she took my forearm in a firm grip and it.. It felt right. More right than any handshake. It was weird. “I’m-I’m Dichen. It’s very nice to meet you.. Clarke.”

She looked me over and nodded before releasing me. Whatever kind of test that was, I must have passed. “You may not be her, but you have the same look in your eyes.” She replied with a little smile, “Come on. Lindsey’s found a place.”

“How do you-” She pointed and a few seconds later Lindsey came back with a smirk.

“Ladies, I found us a- Okay, stop staring, that’s creepy. I found us a place, it took me a minute to clear her out, but it’s pretty decent, second floor, just like you like.” She grinned over at Clarke, “Let’s bust a move Kemosabe.”

“How many you find in there?” Clarke walked over to me and lifted me onto her back without even a question. She just started following Lindsey and I just shut my mouth and let it happen. We could talk about this whole, consent to be carried around thing later.

“Just the one, had to get him out though, he was stinking up the whole place like you wouldn’t believe.” Lindsey joked, “It’s just around the corner.”

“Stairs?”

“Yeah, I figured it was a must for new girl.”

“Dichen.” Clarke corrected, “Her name is Dichen, and I’ll take a look at her ankle as soon as we stop for a minute. I’m hoping it’s just a sprain. Any tears or breaks could be really bad.”

“Bad? Like how bad are we talking?” I couldn’t keep my mouth shut while they were talking about my ankle. What if it never really healed? If I can’t walk, I won’t survive. Damn it, I knew I should have grabbed shoes with the high sides on them.

Clarke shook her head, giving me a mouth full of hair, “Don’t worry about it. If it was that bad, you’d be screaming right now.” She was starting to pant, but Lindsey opened the door to an apartment complex and held it open for her.

“First door on the left.” Lindsey instructed, pointing at it.

I looked up the stairs and felt Clarke hesitate too, “I can do this.” I tapped her shoulder, “Let me down, I can go up the stairs by myself.” She took a minute, but she nodded, setting me down gently, just like before.

“I’ll help.” She hooked her arm around me on my injured side and acted like a crutch.

I thought about arguing, but it was going to take less time to just go, and maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much. “Okay, yeah.” I put as little weight on Clarke as possible, trying not to jostle my foot very much and hopped up the stairs. Lindsey dodged around us and opened the door to the apartment for us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations
> 
> Kyongedon Siderona - Friend of the people
> 
> Ai bilaik mounon ripa, ripa kom fleim, en wormona kom Skaikru - I could be considered to have killed the mountain, killed the spirit of the Commanders, and led the Sky people.
> 
> chilla yu daun - Calm down/stop that
> 
> Mounon men - soldiers
> 
> Branwoda - useless (person)
> 
> Yuj gona - Strong warrior
> 
> Yu gonplei na odon? - Are you done fighting?
> 
> ai don lona au ai sonraun gon yu. - I owe you my life.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, it is family bonding time ladies and gentlemen. The terrific trio is going to do some delving together in a stranger's livingroom, and establish bits and pieces of their plan for their newest member.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally intended to post this yesterday and get you guys a double post for the 4th, but I was too busy wrangling my nephew and spending time with family, so you're getting a double post today.
> 
> Happy 4th of July everyone! And if you don't celebrate flipping off the brits in the best way possible, (Fire, food and illegal explosions) then I commend you on your ingenuity. (I promise Britain, it's not personal anymore, we just like flipping people off.)

Dichen

 

“There you go, we’ll change the wrapping every twelve hours. You let me know if you start to go numb, or feel your pulse in your foot constantly. That means there’s too much pressure. You’ll have to wear boots too, mine will have to do for now.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I tried to fight her, but she just patted my leg.

“You need them more than I do Dichen. That’s the end of it.”

“That’s, you’re doing it again. Why are you doing this for me? I’m telling you, I’m just a liability, you should leave me behind.” I insisted, this isn’t going to end well, being in a group never ends well. What happens when they demand I do something in return for them? I’m not good at anything! I am an accountant for chrissakes!

Clarke sat back on the floor, “Hod in nou laik kwelnes. Caring is not weakness, it’s not. People are strength, they push you to fight harder, to try more. Being alone is no way to live, and it’s no way to die either.” I deflated, I don’t even know why. Just that calm command in her voice, like everything is settled now and I might as well accept it? She had this tired look on her face that made it seem like she’d been told to just accept it herself.

“Who are you?” I’ve never met someone who’s been so.. So.. compelling.

Clarke’s eyes flashed a darker blue and her chin lifted. The air in the room grew heavy and I felt like my question had sparked some.. Some other being.

Her mouth opened, but Lindsey beat her to the punch, “Kemosabe has a hero complex the size of the Sears Tower. She’s all about saving the world,” She hid her mouth from Clarke and whispered, “I think it’s mommy issues.”

I rolled my eyes at the attempt at humor, but the moment was gone as was the look in Clarke’s eyes. She was packing up the first aid kit like nothing had happened. Am I crazy? Did I make that up? I-

“Cool it cheekbones, it’s no big deal.” Lindsey patted my shoulder, “Kemosabe would make it out to be some dramatic mission of fate or something, but honestly, I think she’s just out to make use of all her awesome commando training. Seriously, you should see her with that bow. It’s awesome.”

“You really like that word don’t you?” I grouched, “Are you capable of taking anything seriously?”

She tossed herself into the chair across from me, “I’ll take you seriously, that is, if you’ll take me too.”

That’s a lot of cheese from one pick-up line. “Wow, you always come on this strong?”

“Only when I’m properly encouraged.” She winked.

“You feeling okay?” Clarke raised an eyebrow at Lindsey.

“Oh I’m positively randy.” Lindsey replied cheerfully.

“..I thought you were Lindsey?”

I snorted, I couldn’t help it. “Nice.” She gave me this confused look, “I-you’re joking right? Randy? It.. Well, it means you would uhm, like to- you know.”

Her brow furrowed adorably, then it dawned on her, “Oh, that’s a euphemism.”

Lindsey shook her head at Clarke and pulled out a can of cheese whiz, gross, “Someday you’re going to have to tell me how you speak Cherokee, wield a sword like a badass, know bigass words like ‘euphemism’, but you’ve never seen the Lone Ranger.” She looked towards me, “I had to explain what Kemosabe means to her.”

I could feel it before I opened my mouth, but I felt it necessary to throw in my two cents. “I’ve only ever heard about it myself.”

“Neanderthals!” She exclaimed, getting cheese whiz all over her face.

Clarke snorted and passed her a cloth so well used that it was a worn down grey. “Of course we are, while you eat your aerosol foods. You know those things went out of style around 2036.”

Lindsey rolled her eyes, “Oh har har, I’m so out of style, we jumped, what, twenty-five years into the future? You can judge my cheese all you like, but I know deep down you’re jealous.”

I was watching Clarke, so I caught it when she frowned, that confused, surprised look, and then wiping it off her expression before Lindsey noticed. Then she was right back to joking and teasing, “You say that like I’ve ever even had this ‘cheese’ stuff.”

That began the argument that lasted the rest of the night. Lindsey had to be shushed multiple times as she flipped out on Clarke for not knowing what the deliciousness of dairy products. I’ll admit, even I judged her parents a bit for doing the whole vegan thing. I don’t care what she says, synthesized animal proteins do not count as meat. Though once again, her childhood seems at odds with itself.

She’s perfectly at home with wearing a sword all the time, but her mother is a chief medical officer on the Arc base? Not that I’m in the know on all the US bases, but I feel like I would know that one, just the name itself is so distinctive. Maybe it was some kind of secret base?

“You know, I think I figured her out.” Lindsey commented. Clarke had decided that sleep was the answer to the argument and she was snoring softly on the floor, one hand clasped around a little pendant around her neck.

“With the way you two behave, I would think you’ve had her figured out for a few years now.” I replied, not wanting to get too friendly with either of them. I got the feeling that while Clarke is rather altruistic, they both have their darker sides. Especially Lindsey.

“Nah, I met Kemosabe the day before yesterday? Maybe the day before that. I dunno. She likes to keep moving, makes for weird sleeping hours.” Lindsey scratched her head, “She’s a weird one.”

I couldn’t argue with that, so I didn’t. She saved me, and that’s not something I’m going to throw back at her.

“Anyway, I think I finally know what her deal is.” Lindsey scooted over to sit on the floor by my chair, keeping an eye on Clarke snoring. “I think she’s some kind of army brat. Think about it, no dad in the picture, mom’s a medical  _ officer? _ She mentioned the ‘arc station’ once, but she speaks this weird native language. So when I asked before, she said she lived out on the ‘eastern coastline’, but I think she meant of some other country. She said everyone she knows is dead, and knows all this stuff about secret labs and shit, thinks the virus was on purpose or something.

“So *I* think that her ‘chief medical officer of bullshit’ mom had something to do with the virus, and now she’s trying to make up for it by finding her mom’s old co-workers to fix everything. Makes sense right?” Lindsey looked super excited with her theory, but I had to burst her bubble.

“Lindsey..” I bit my lip, “You stopped making sense after the whole Arc station thing.”

“Ugh,” She flopped back against the chair, “I’m surrounded by party poopers.”

I shook my head, munching on a cracker while Lindsey sulked, they’re both so full of life and energy even at the end of the world. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?” Lindsey stole one of the crackers from my sleeve.

“Live like this, be so.. Cheerful. Don’t you find it exhausting? You’ve known each other for a day or two, but there’s so much trust. You could have left us in that alley, or-or me for the soldiers. Why?”

“Ahh, that sounds like quittin’ talk to me.” Lindsey sat back against my leg, “Grandma Reyes, that’s my adoptive mom, she used to say that if you think about quitting, then you already have.” She looked up at me, “I’m not saying I know what you’ve been through, but I think trust is what you need.”

I didn’t say anything in response, but I guess my expression spoke of my fear.

“My friends ditched me down in Palm Desert, said they couldn’t feed everyone and I had my bio family in the area, so I would have the best chance.” She chuckled, “Turns out they were right. I ran into Kemosabe right after that.”

“I’ve been alone from the start.” I couldn’t imagine calling people my friends after they threw me out like that. I couldn’t imagine smiling while talking about it either. “But I’ve seen a lot of people out here, the way they look at each other.. I never thought LA was a bad place to live before that. I’ve never seen someone look at another person like a rabid dog before this. Skirting them in the streets, avoiding making eye contact, like if they pretend other people don’t exist then we won’t turn into monsters when it’s all said and done.”

“Hey,” Sometime during my ramble Lindsey turned around with a concerned look on her face, “Hey, hey, nothing is gonna happen to us.” She cupped my face, her thumb swiping across my cheek, “We’re gonna be just fine. No one is turning into a zombie on my watch, got it?”

I gave a wet chuckle, sniffing a bit, “Sure.” I shook my head and looked down, realizing she was sitting on my lap, “What are you doing?”

Lindsey grinned, “Comforting you, the only way I know how.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“Of course you are,” That brought a real laugh out of me. She’s ridiculous. “Now I know why you really kept me around, Kemosabe didn’t care for your flirting.”

Lindsey shook her head, “Nah, hero complex isn’t my thing. Kemosabe’s burning for the sins of the world and all that, plus she has a girl down south she’s gonna go rescue.”

“How does she know she’s even alive?”

She shrugged, “Kemosabe has faith. Claims her girl came from the same stock. Honestly?” She raised an eyebrow, “If her girl is half the woman Kemosabe is, I’m not worried about her.”

“High praise coming from you.” I teased, “If I didn’t know better I would think you have a crush.”

Lindsey grinned, pinching her fingers together, “Just a little. Not enough to get in between our love though.”

I rolled my eyes, looking over at the sleeping blonde, “She looks so young.. Right?”

Lindsey turned around, sitting beside me on the armchair. “Yeah, M’kinda surprised she’s been asleep this long. Unless she’s giving us some privacy.”

“Huh?”

“Kemosabe doesn’t sleep much. Or eat much either. Pretty sure she ate about three times as much today as she did yesterday or the day before that.” She sounded in awe of the girl, and concerned too.

No wonder Lindsey calls her a commando. “How long do you think it’ll last?” I glanced over, wondering if I would last long enough to see it too, or if they’ll kick me out.

Lindsey shook her head, “About as long as it takes to get things together. I bet you she falls apart on her girl. I’d pay to see that, hey, we should save some popcorn for that.” She smacked my arm, “Pretty sure Kemosabe has some in her bag.”

“Why in the world is she carrying around popcorn?”

Kemosabe rolled onto her back, stretching luxuriously, “Didn’t know it required microwaves to heat.” She hummed, settling back.

“We talked about this.” Lindsey huffed, “Sleep snooping is no bueno.”

“I don’t know what that means.” She replied with a bit of a grin.

I rolled my eyes, “Even if you don’t speak it, I’m sure you can figure it out.”

Clarke chuckled, hands raised, “Ai get’in Onya, ai get’in. Ai gon sen raun, you two enjoy your blossoming hodness.”

“My blossoming hotness huh?” Lindsey smirked, tossing her hair, “I like the sound of that.”

“Hodness means love.” Clarke replied, grinning from ear to ear as she fished her bow and arrows out of her backpack. Excuse me?

“Just when I was starting to like you.” I shook my head, “You two are just terrible.”

“Couple of skaikru goufas if you ask me.” Clarke replied, “I’ll be back in an hour or so.”

“We didn’t ask you Kemosabe.” Lindsey snarked, “We’ll be here making sexy love all over the living room.”

“We’re gonna be doing what now??” I exclaimed, “Not on your life.”

“Now who’s getting loud?” Lindsey smirked, “Methinks the lady doth protest too much.” She’s crazy, I swear they’re both crazy. I looked for Clarke and realized that she’d already slipped out of the apartment. I should lock the door behind her, just in case. “Mmmn, you can’t ignore me all night.” Lindsey teased.

Ridiculous. “I can ignore you as long as I damn well please.”

...As it turns out, challenging Lindsey is not necessarily the brightest plan in the world. The whole night long she hassled me with as many different pick-up lines and jokes that she could possibly come up with. As it just so happens, Lindsey knows a lot of them. I wouldn’t doubt that she memorized a book or two of nothing but puns and cheesy pick-up lines. I don’t know when I dozed off, but it must have been a good one cus I woke up with a smile on my face. Lindsey was hanging off the couch, face down and breathing deeply.

Clarke wasn’t in the living room, and I didn’t remember her coming back in, so I sat up, “Clarke?”

Her head appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, “Yeah?”

“Just uh, just checking.” I nodded, “I didn’t see you come in.”

She nodded with me, leaning on the frame, “Sleep okay?”

“Yeah, you?”

“Perfectly.” Clarke smiled, “You’re sweet to worry.”

“Well-I.. It’s what I’m good at.” I ducked my head, it’s all I ever do now. Worry. Hope I make it tomorrow.

“..Do you have any weapons?” Clarke crouched by my chair, “I should have asked last night. Do you know how to protect yourself?”

I thanked my lucky stars for my dark skin hiding my blush. “I have a knife.” I pulled out the steak knife I’d grabbed on my way out the door when I was chased out of my home by my undead neighbor. It was flimsy, and barely long enough to even be a knife.

She reached out for it and I passed it handle first, vaguely remembering the one rule of knife safety that stuck with me. “Chof.” She took it, looking it over, “This will get you killed long before it saves your life.”

I grimaced, “I’ve mostly just been running away. All that jogging on the weekends has to count for something right?”

“Gona rek yuj swisa.” She replied, digging through her bag until she pulled out a proper hunting knife. It had a heavy blade and a sturdy handle, like a screwdriver.

“I-” She didn’t even wait for me to finish protesting before she put the handle in my hand. I sighed, “You’ve called me that before, Gona. What’s it mean?”

“It’s uh,” She laughed, “It’s a goner, someone who’s already dead.” Of course it’s another insult, I swear that’s all she does. She put up a hand, “Wait, wait, Kyongedon, they use it as a term of respect. Gonas are warriors, they are people who give up their own lives for the lives of others.”

Well that’s.. Grim. “Your Kee-yon-geet-on always so morbid?”

“Kyong-ged-on.” She corrected, “Yeah, they’re pretty obsessed with dying.” She chuckled, snapping my steak knife and tossing the pieces into the sink, “It’s all, leave me Clarke, my fight is over. Your fight isn’t over yet, death is not the end, all that shit.”

I frowned, not expecting the disrespect of her people, adopted or not. She saw the look on my face and grimaced, “I adopted their customs, the language, but not really by choice. Lesser of two evils I think. Skaikru, we uh, we had our own barbaric bullshit to deal with, and we didn’t really have time or space for anyone else’s. I had to pick which people I loved more.”

“That’s awful.” She’s what, twenty? And she’s already had to choose her morals over her own family and friends? Adopt a new culture? “How did they get away with it?”

Clarke ran a hand through her hair, “I gained respect among Kyongedon, the ruling body heard my voice. I did them some serious favors, things they couldn’t do on their own. So when they decided to evict my family and friends, I told them to fuck right off,” She shook her head like she was trying to ignore something, “And I used their religion to do it.” Clarke looked down at her hands, “I protected my family by serving the system they flaunted and they still tried to play the victim like they didn’t deserve it. Like we hadn’t ruined a lot of lives.”

I sat back, looking at this girl. I don’t even know if she’s legal to drink and she’s carrying all this weight on her shoulders. She’s protecting people, even ones she hates, taking care of them and trying desperately to fix this horrible situation that she had nothing to do with. Hell! Even if she did, she doesn’t deserve it.

“You’re thinking very loudly.” She commented, messing up my hair, “Don’t worry about me Dichen, that’s all over now. Their ghosts still follow me, but that doesn’t mean I listen.”

I grimaced when her hand caught a snag and yanked on my scalp. She hissed, “Sorry, here, let me help you with that.”

“It’s no use, I swear you have to douse it in conditioner to make it cooperate.” I waved her off, there’s no point in fussing with it now. I’ll probably just have to shave my head or something.

She patted her own braids, “If nothing else, I can stop it from matting up on you.” I sighed and raised my hands in surrender. She went into the kitchen and came back with a bowl and a hair pick, sitting behind me on the coffee table. She set the ends of my hair into the bowl and rubbed her hands together with something wet before massaging my scalp.

“Ohhh..” It was heavenly. I don’t even care what she’s putting in my hair. I tried to keep the noises to a minimum just to keep Lindsey from waking up and making commentary. Because believe me, she would make commentary. Soon enough she started running her fingers through my hair and it parted like butter in her hands. It was maybe ten minutes before her magic fingers were hefting and parting my hair.

“Well look at you warrior princess, we having a little slumber party? Braiding hair and telling stories?” Lindsey teased, “Tell me I didn’t miss the pillow fight yet.”

I rolled my eyes, “You’ll have to get in line. Turns out Clarke here is good with her hands.” I hummed.

“Just don’t tell my girl.” Clarke teased, “Last person she got mad at, she kicked off the fortieth floor.”

“Hawt.” Lindsey smirked.

“I’ll tell her you said so.” She replied, giving my hair a gentle pat, “There you go, you look like a proper gona now.” Clarke squeezed my shoulder, “As soon as you’re both ready, we should go.”

“Yeah yeah slave driver.” Lindsey waved a hand at Clarke and sat up with a yawn, “This how it’s going to be walking to friggin Arizona with you?”

“I told you.” Clarke tossed a banana at Lindsey, “You aren’t coming.”

She sniffed it, it was fairly fresh, “You eat these?” She looked to me. I can’t stand bananas, like eating snot, sugary snot. So I passed. Lindsey took a bite out of it, “Eggheads to watch or not, you need the babysitting more, so yeah, I’m coming.”

“Yu beja gon wamplei yu kik raun gon ai.” Clarke replied, her tone warning, “Osir?” She raised her eyebrows, gesturing to us both, “Osir beja gon wamplei. Ai bilaik-”

“Yeah yeah, you be like Wanheda. I get it.” Lindsey snapped, “I don’t know if you think I’m stupid or what, but this whole gedasleng thing? It isn’t that hard to figure out. If you think I’m going to let you run off and kill yourself you’ve got another thing coming Clarke. This isn’t some game, or whatever bullshit hole you crawled out of with your death games and your armies of assholes, this is real fucking life, and I’m not letting you get off scot free.”

“I’m not looking to die. If I had wanted death I would have stayed home!” Clarke snapped, finally getting angry. “I would have let myself die when praimfaya lit my whole damn world on fire and burned down everything I called home.” She got up in Lindsey’s face, her hands shaking, “Trust me, when I say that I don’t want to die. I don’t.” She growled, “But I will not risk two kwellen goufas, weakened children!” She translated, shoving at Lindsey’s shoulder, “To the desert!”

One of them’s going to get hurt. “Clarke,” I grabbed her shoulder, getting between her and Lindsey, “Clarke, she didn’t mean it like that.” Clarke was burning to do something, I could see the way she trembled from head to toe.. But she let me push her back. “Breathe Clarke. Lindsey’s worried about you, that’s all, she wants to watch out for you, the same way that you watch out for us. That’s it. That’s all.”

She stood there, breathing heavily, looking between us. It took a few minutes and then she stopped. She stepped back again, stumbling back on her feet, “Tell me when you’re ready to go.” She turned and stalked into the kitchen.

“Hey! I’m not-” Lindsey stepped after her, and I had to stop her too. She glared daggers at me, but I kept my hand on her shoulder.

“I’m not agreeing with her, I think we should go too, but that’s her choice. Give her some time to think.” I pleaded, this is why I avoided people. This fighting, too selfish, too selfless, either way they tore themselves apart over each other. “Let her get her head. Please.”

Lindsey just glared at me, hissing angrily, “If she goes out into the desert alone she will die.”

“We don’t know that.” I replied, “You said she was this crazy commando woman, maybe she can make it. Come on Lindsey,” This is it, not even twelve hours and already it’s all falling to pieces. “Please, just.. Please?”

Her eyes softened and she looked away, “Fine, but only because you have some damn fine puppy dog eyes.”

I smiled softly, my knees going weak with relief, “And I’m not afraid to use them either.” I hit her shoulder, trying to keep myself from falling apart.

“Cheater.” Lindsey smiled, and it didn’t quite make it to her eyes, but it was enough to let me know she was going to hold it in for a bit. “Come on, let’s go. Kemosabe needs us right?”

“Yeah, she does.” I nodded, grabbing my pack. We would work this out somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations
> 
> Hod in nou laik kwelness - Love is not weakness
> 
> Ai get'in Onya, Ai get'in. Ai gon sen raun - I know Anya, I know. I'm leaving to look around
> 
> hodness - love
> 
> goufas - untrained child
> 
> Chof - Thanks
> 
> Gona rek yuj swisa - Warriors need strong blades
> 
> Yu beja gon wamplei yu kik raun gon ai. Osir? Osir beja gon wamplai. Ai bilaik- - You're asking for death by staying with me. You two? You two beg for death. I am likened to-


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We've got zombies, we've got fire and commandos and angry scientists being herded like really probably smart-ish sheep and a nearly equal amount of noise. What more could you need?  
> There are even some badass moments that end the way a lot of badass moments should.. Blood blood blood, and hiccups.  
> TW: there is a quite graphic description of a wound towards the end, if this bothers you, then skip a single paragraph after that person starts examining their wound and you'll be back in safe territory.

Clarke

We made good time considering the delay for Dichen’s ankle. The lab must be outside the patrol range for the soldiers because as we got closer, there were a lot more ripas wandering the streets. I dealt with them, for Dichen and Lindsey’s sakes, they aren’t true gonas yet, and I don’t want to make them become anything they don’t need to be. It’s the same reason I can’t have them come with me to the ranch. It’s going to be too brutal a journey for anyone not made for it.

We finally had to stop outside the lab, around the corner. “There she is, 1800 Los Palmos.” I pointed, “That’s where we have to get to.”

“Yeah, right behind a wall of like fifty zomboids!” Lindsey hissed, “Are you kidding me?”

“I can pick off a few.” I gestured with my bow, “We could pick a vantage point, take it slow, I have thirty arrows in my bag.”

“Which leaves twenty of them, and Lindsey’s pistol only has seven bullets, and that’s if she hits every time. That’s still crazy.” Dichen insisted.

I clenched my jaw, if there weren’t so many more hanging around the side street, I could lead them around a big circuit and just pick them off one by one. “We need to get in there.” I insisted, of all the times for Wanheda to leave this to my intuition. “Maybe uh, maybe we can distract them, lead them off. Circle back around and get back in while they’re trying to follow us?”

“I can do this.” Lindsey grinned, “You mind if I borrow some of that paper you had in your backpack?”

I thought about how little I had left and nodded, “Anything else you need?”

“No baby, I’ve got this one in the bag.” She crouched down with some white powder from her bag. Honestly she had the same grin that Monty got when working on his still, or Jasper on his explosives. She cracked open one of her bullets very carefully and poured a little bit into each, along with some of the white powder and twisted it in the paper to make a little sack and a long paper fuse.

Dichen was the one who finally asked, “What’s the point of the sugar?”

“Surface area gorgeous.” Lindsey grinned up at her, “The paper is the fuse, the gunpowder gives a little pop and that sugar lights right up. It’s a pretty little fire popper. The zomboids love pretty, and fire. We leave a few of these burning, maybe lay down some newspaper in the one building? They’ll be busy for hours. That’s a Lindsey Morgan guarantee.”

I didn’t need a guarantee, if Raven says it’ll work, I believe her. Hands down. “I’ll put together the bonfire, you keep working on those. Dichen, watch her back.” I instructed, running across the street. Not so close to the horde that they followed, but not so far they would ignore the poppers. It’s a damn fine plan.

I put together a good little starter for the fire, surrounded it with more mass to burn, even set it to a wooden frame that climbed up the side of a building. I don’t know if the paint or mortar is flammable, but if it is, the whole street is going down. I ran back to where I left them, cutting down a pair of ripa that followed the sound of me setting up the starter. “We good to go?” I saw Lindsey proudly scooping up a dozen of the little firebombs.

“Hell yeah we are Kemosabe, you got my starter?”

“Have I ever let you down?” I took a few, “We won’t need many. Everything around here is dry.”

She snorted, “Yeah, you can say that again. Take my lighter.” She held out a little metal contraption, “You have to bring it back.”

“Ai swega yu klin, I’ll bring it back.” I gave her a little smile.

“You’re gonna what me clean?” She raised both eyebrows, “That sounds dirty as hell Kemosabe.”

I snickered, “It does. Come on, wait here, I’ll draw the ripas.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to kill them.” Dichen deadpanned.

I blinked, did she just make a joke? I looked at Lindsey but she was equally shocked, “I’ll uh, be back when the poppers are set.”

I glanced over my shoulder at the two of them, but I had to shake it off, to focus. I set the firestarters in the mess of papers, in four different places, just to make sure that it all burned and lit the fuses. Then I ran back to join Lindsey and Dichen, “Your firestarters have been set.”

“Okay, that’s like ten seconds then, until they go off.” Lindsey looked pleased as punch to be setting fires again.

“Our little pyro.” I bumped her shoulder, “Some things never change.” I notched an arrow and shot one of the ripa on the edge of the herd.

“You’ll have to tell me about Raven sometime.”

I smiled, of course she’s curious. “Sure thing Lindsey, but I doubt the stories will surprise you.” I dropped another one of the ripa, and a third before the firecrackers went off.

“She knew someone who looked like me, some kinda reincarnation thing.” I glanced over my shoulder to see Lindsey explaining to Dichen. I’d never said anything about reincarnation. Smart cookie.

“Come on, the entrance is almost clear.” I smacked Lindsey’s shoulder and started across the street. More than half of the ripa were on the other side, the rest were crossing. I drew the attention of a few, so I pulled my sword and cut any of them that turned around. The thuds of bodies dropping was starting to distract more, and then the flames roared as they climbed up the sides of the buildings. Bright, colorful. Whatever chemicals are in there are VERY flammable.

“Holy shit Kemosabe,” Lindsey hissed, “You crazy bitch, you lit the whole strip up.” She started giggling to herself.

“You can have your little pyrogasm later, we need to get inside before they remember about us.” Dichen grabbed us both by our collars and dragged us into the lab, yanking the doors open.

They were braced closed by the pressing horde. Smart. “Come on, they will be inside, downstairs probably. The upper lab will be a plain old clinic, a decoy.” I led the way, following Wanheda’s steps as she took us through the maze to an elevator.

“That’s a hell of a killer instinct you got there Kemosabe.” Lindsey grinned, “You been here before?”

“Places like this.” I nodded, hitting the button. “Bets on it working?”

“No one’s dumb enough to take that bet.” Dichen mumbled.

After a minute the doors trundled open to a small box, I grinned, “Good, cus I woulda won.” I climbed in, “Going down?”

“Smarmy little shit.” Lindsey grinned, following me in. Dichen just shook her head at both of us and climbed in, muttering about us being children. Just like old times, or what they should have been. The doors slid closed. Maybe this place is good for more than just finding Lexa. Maybe it really is worth saving.

Maybe.

We rattled and shook our way down. I’d be lying if I said that my stomach didn’t fall out through my shoes every time the damn thing wobbled. Dichen glanced down at my white knuckles and put her hand over mine. “I’m fine.” I gritted out, “I don’t like these things.” Not the one in Polis, not the ones on the Ark, and sure as hell not this one. They’re death traps waiting to rupture, or drop you down on the mechanism below.

The doors slid open and we were met with two shaking pistols, and three scared faces. I released the sides of the elevator, “Howdy gentleman, ma’am. My name is Clarke Griffin, and I’m here to escort you to the San Onofre lab.”

They looked at each other, “What are you talking about? No one sent any messages about going back. San Onofre went dark three weeks ago.”

“That is because the doctors onsite went to deal with the outbreak in Georgia. I’m your message. I have supply caches across the city, and these two to help escort you all.”

Two of them shrugged, and the other one rubbed his forehead. “Okay, yeah, come on inside.” He waved us all inside. The guns went down and I led the way, looking over my shoulder to Lindsey and Dichen.

They were staring at me, a little shocked, but firm. They were with me, and that’s all that mattered.

We were led down a hallway past some lab rooms and into a meeting room crossed with a mess hall. “Hey, Ortiz, we figured out what the fuss was about upstairs.” The woman gestured behind herself at us.

“Heh, that was me. We lit up some buildings to distract the horde. The boys upstairs were a little too interested in the lab to let’em go.” Lindsey waved, “Sugar firecrackers.”

“Well at least they aren’t  _ idiot _ jarheads.” The man named Ortiz sighed, rubbing his temples, “Tell me you’re our escort.”

“That’s us.” I nodded, hands in my pockets, “So who all is left? They didn’t give me numbers, just coordinates.”

Ortiz nodded, “Sounds about right. It’s me, Suarez, Richter, Dell, Mitchells, and then there’s Halverson. She’s uh, she’s the real problem child right now.”

I sat on the edge of one of the counters, “Tell me about her.”

“Her name’s Bennett, she’s our brightest, head of the lab here but she’s got this aversion to open spaces. Phobia level aversion.”

“You have any vehicles on site?”

“Shit, you didn’t drive here?” Mitchells asked, the bigger bald man. “What kind of escort are you?”

I just shrugged off his anger, “Hard to get around all the army boys hanging around. We walked in, hoping to drive out. They’re calling a code Cobalt tonight.” Dichen looked over at me to ask what that was and I raised a finger, shaking my head just a bit.

“Cutting it real close then aren’t you?” Ortiz raised an eyebrow.

“What can I say?” I jerked my hand over my shoulder, “We had some hiccups. You want we can go, come back in a week, pick up what’s left of the barbeque and make our merry way to the safest place on this side of Sierras.”

“No thank you,” The woman raised her hand, “I’m not interested in tanning to napalm this week, I just don’t have the room in my schedule. We have a few vans behind the lab, for house calls. One of them should run.”

“Sounds good to me.” I offered her a smile, “So Dr. Halverson, am I gonna need to drug her? I know my dosages so that’s not a worry, but I would like to know before we get her upstairs.”

“She should be okay,” Mitchells assured us, “But I would keep a sedative on hand just in case.”

“It’s a plan.” I looked around, “Collect your people Dr. Ortiz, and make sure they have their equipment. I don’t know what they left in San Onofre, but you’re going to need to be stocked. We’ll take a second vehicle if that’s what it takes.”

“Yeah..” He stood up, “I’ll get them together. Twenty minutes okay with you ma’am?”

I bobbed my head, “That’s just fine with me. Don’t leave anything you might need. We aren’t coming back.”

The doctors agreed and bustled off down the halls to supply themselves. “Ladies, with me.” I gestured to Dichen and Lindsey and took them into one of the rooms we passed, they were full of vials. “Look for bottles labeled with ‘pams, ketamine, diphenhydramine, I don’t care if they’re pills or liquids. Anything labeled for pain, or ‘cilins, penicillin, amoxicillin, as many as you can find. They’ll be vital to survive the viral apocalypse that’s going to follow. Without vaccines and modern medicine, anyone we bring back is going to struggle with compromised immune systems.”

“Sure boss,” Lindsey grinned at me, “Anything you say ma’am.. You know you could totally be an army babe with that get-up. The leather coat, the bloodstained slacks, you really are a regular commando. You knew the jargon and everything.”

I shook my head, “It’s amazing what people believe if you’re confident enough.” I offered her and Dichen a smile, “Thanks for backing me up. All we need is to get these people to safety, they’ll do the rest. They’ll want the cure just as much as we do. We keep them alive, they keep us alive. It’s a good deal.”

“Makes sense to me.” Lindsey nodded, going through the shelves and fridges of medicines. 

“What happens when they realize that they don’t have to be there?” Dichen hesitated, “That we lied to them?”

“I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it.” I sighed, wishing that the turn of phrase didn’t hit so close to home. God, I just want to be on my way, I want to see her again, to know she’s safe. Is that too much to ask? I looked over to Wanheda, but she had no answers for me, no easy solutions.

“Clarke? You okay there?” Lindsey paused with an armful of bottles.

“I’m fine.” I checked through them, tossing the expired meds, putting the rest into my bag. “This is really good, antibiotics, sedatives, this is great.”

We dug out all the useful meds we could find and returned to the cafeteria to wait. Two of the scientists were there, a pair of women, one of them was from the elevator. As soon as we entered the room they were on their feet. “Hey, I never introduced myself, I’m Dell, and this is Dr. Bennett Halverson.” The brunette reached out a hand and gave a firm shake. I had to remind myself to just shake their hands, no need to scare the natives just yet.

“Nice to meet you Dell, Dr. Halverson, I’m Clarke. These are Dichen and Lindsey.” I gestured to my companions and let them finish their pleasantries before I looked to Dr. Halverson, a smaller woman, pretty, mousy features, and more than a little clammy. “I hear you’re our resident agoraphobe.”

“There’s one in every group right?” She gave a nervous chuckle, tucking her hair behind her ear, “I don’t need you to put me to sleep if that’s what you’re wondering. I-I can keep a level head.”

“You sure?” I raised an eyebrow, “I found some sedatives, I’m more than comfortable carrying you into the van. Trust me, I understand your fears, more than you know.”

“Somehow I doubt that.” She mumbled.

I sat down across from her, one hand on her knee, “I’m not judging, I’m not looking at you like a burden. You aren’t. If you need something, even just to take the edge off, let me know. I’d rather we not test the boundaries of our sanity today.”

She shifted her leg away from my touch and nodded, “I’ll keep you in the loop.”

“That’s all I’m asking.” I looked up to see Dell talking to Lindsey. Dichen was keeping to herself and doing a fine job of an Anya impersonation. Arms folded over her chest, watching everything like a hawk.. For such a sweet girl, she really can be intimidating. “Are those boxes all the supplies you’ll be needing?”

Dr. Bennett nodded, “Dell and I worked in the same lab space together, we’re more than comfortable sharing our equipment.”

Ortiz walked in carrying a pair of big boxes stacked on top of each other. “You know the most important part of our research will require refrigeration, climate control. We can’t carry the majority of our supplies with us. It’s all going to expire.”

“We’ll get you access to tissue samples, Lindsey and Dichen can donate blood if that’s necessary, and once we get San Onofre back up and running, climate control will not be a problem.”

Bennett narrowed her eyes at me, “Why only them?”

“Rare blood condition. My samples would not be effective for the rest of the population.” I replied easily, “But if you think it will help, I’ll provide all the samples you need.”

“What kind of condition?” She went from suspicious to curious in a second flat.

Ortiz jerked his head towards the elevator and I nodded, “I’m afraid you’ll have to wait to turn me into a pin cushion until we get to your new lab. Let’s start moving your things up to the ground floor.”

We loaded up the first group into the elevator, me, Dichen, Lindsey and Ortiz, along with a half dozen boxes of fragile microscopes, slides, petri dishes, anything and everything that could survive a trip across the state. The front doors were mostly bare, the fire on the other side of the street still raging. It spread inside the buildings, flames leaping out the windows and drawing in all the dead that could see it.

“That your work?” Ortiz pointed, looking less than impressed.

“You bet your little latino ass it is.” Lindsey replied proudly, “Clarke set the fuse, but I built the firecrackers that did it.”

“You realize that’s going to draw everything within a mile?” He asked angrily.

“Chil yu daun,” I turned towards the back of the clinic, “They’re looking at the fire, not us. Take us to the vans?”

He gave an angry harrumph, reminding me of Titus in that moment, grousing at us over minor details. He walked us back through the maze of offices and exam rooms into a supply room in the back, I paused to look through it, but it was all ransacked. “Your doing?” I gestured to the scattered gauze papers and bloody smears across one counter.

“No,” He shook his head, “A bunch of idiots, they came crashing through and brought that horde behind them. They lost it, so the horde just stuck around, banging on the glass.”

Makes sense, the noise of the others keeping them together. He went for the back door and I stepped forward, “Here, let me.” I drew my sword and opened the door, the hairs on the back of my neck were tingling, but not like a whole horde was waiting for us. Ortiz stumbled back when a ripa came charging at us, his hands raised high over his head, snarling up a storm.

“Whoa!” Lindsey exclaimed.

I caught him around the throat, grimacing when he dug his fingers into my arm. He pressed into my hand, crushing his larynx and snarled in my face. “Yu gonplei ste odon ripa.” I snarled back, driving my blade through his face.

I released him and flicked my blade, freeing it as the body collapsed and stalked through the door, shoving back the first ripa that came at me and slicing through the second. I tasted blood on my lips and spat on the next body before kicking it off the ledge, the sickening crack of the skull was all I needed to know. I moved on to the next, tearing through bodies like paper. No wonder Lexa was so attached to her blades, they feel amazing, slicing through muscle and sinew like an overgrown scalpel.

Panting, I turned around to look for the next ripa, but they were gone.

“You good Clarke?” Dichen asked, her knife drawn.

“Barely a scratch.” I nodded, kicking the bodies off the ledge, “Ortiz, is this our van?” I looked up and he was pale, very pale. “Hey, hey, are you with me? Don’t faint on me Ortiz, which of these vans do we have the keys to?” I pointed to the three vans. “Lindsey can you-”

She brought her hand back and slapped him. Hard. “Lindsey!”

“What?” She looked a little sheepish, “That’s what they do in the movies..”

“Oh my god,” Dichen shoved past her, “Hey man, are you okay?”

“Uh y-yeah I’m, I’m.. yeah. The t-two at the end.” He pointed shakily.

“Alright, you sit down before you fall over.” I grabbed a bottle of water from my bag and tossed it to Lindsey, grimacing when my arm protested, “Drink that.”

She looked at the streaky mess of blood on it and wiped it clean before passing it to Ortiz. “Here man, uh, sorry about the slap.”

I looked at my arms and realized that the pain was not from over exertion. “I’ll be right back. Start loading up the vans, yell if you need a hand.” Dichen nodded at me so I cleaned and sheathed my sword and jogged down the hill behind the clinic through the scrub to the little trickle of water sitting in the crevice. I looked around to ensure no one was wandering around before I knelt over the crick and shrugged off the tattered remains of my jacket to wash the wound. I guess leather means something different here.

“Oh shit..” Underneath the dried and congealed blood was a fresh flow of my own blackened blood from some nasty scratches across the backs of my arms. In one place it looked like his fingers had tried to wrap around the muscle and rip it free. I winced at the shooting pains, pushing at the wound to see how deep it went. Nearly to the bone, and in two places the muscle was pulling away from the bone more than it should have.

My stomach began to twist and I looked away. “Note to self, thicker sleeves.” I washed off what I could and climbed the embankment, scaling it with a bit of help from the stubborn scrub. Let me tell you, it hurt a hell of a lot more going up than going down. I was only gone maybe five minutes, but the others were already packing up the vans, moving in a very tight, line of scared scientists.

“Clarke you okay?” Lindsey called over.

“Yeah, just some scratches.” I replied, holding my arm to my chest while I jogged, not wanting to cause anymore damage.

Lindsey and Dichen said something to each other and then Dichen was meeting me in the middle of the lot, away from the others with an unfamiliar first aid kit. “Holy shit Clarke, what happened?”

I shook my head, “It’s not as bad as you think.” It’s worse, way way way worse, and I really want that adrenaline to be pumping when you disinfect it woman. “I need you to disinfect it, just pour some alcohol on it.” I panted, my heart racing in anticipation of the pain. She fumbled with the bag, “Now.” I snapped, digging my teeth into the collar of my jacket.

She dug out the bottle and fumbled the lid off before pouring the liquid all over my arm. Lighting. Muffled screams. My vision blacked out, going spotty for a few minutes. Someone shook me.

A hand hit my face and the whole world spun again. The pain ripped me back into place, yanking me from whatever safe space I was in all the way down to my body, kneeling on the ground, pain shooting up my legs, up my arms. I could barely see, and my jaw hurt so much it felt like it was broken.

I looked down to see blurry shapes of white moving in circular motions, spots of black appearing all over my vision. “W-wrap it tight.” I gasped, my heart pounding in my ears. Please god be wrapping it up, “Tape it down, th-then get back to work.” We can’t be wasting time over this. I braced my uninjured arm on the ground, digging my fingers into the asphalt, grounding myself with the distant pinpricks of discomfort.

I don’t know how long I knelt there, panting, but someone tapped my shoulder and helped haul me to my feet. With them to lean on, I stumbled into the truck, throwing myself onto the floor among the boxes and let out the breath I was holding. The engine rumbled and I let my head fall back. I can close my eyes for just a minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation
> 
> Ai swega yu klin - I promise


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty guys, first of all, thank you so much for waiting for this update, I had some medical stuff that screwed me up for the last few weeks. Turns out, sleeping six hours a day is real hard on the writing time, so thank you for sticking around and letting me know how you feel about this story.
> 
> In this chapter we get to see a moderately drugged Clarke having a bit of a laugh, and the doctors get to know their protectors just a little bit better.
> 
> As always, translations at the bottom

Clarke

 

My throbbing arm woke me up to hear quiet whispers. “Did you see it too?”

“No, when I looked they’d already wrapped it up.”

“It was black.”

“As if those screams weren’t enough.” There was an inherent shudder in the second voice, the first was just dark curiosity.

“Told you,” I mumbled, “Genetic condition.” My eyes protested, but I managed to crack them open enough to see the man Mitchells talking with Bennett while Suarez listened in. Mitchells’ face was pale when I opened my eyes, staring at me in open fear.

Bennett on the other hand, looked like she wanted to put me under a microscope and study me until the stars grew dim. It was a look I’d seen on my mother’s face more than once. “I’ve never heard of any condition where the blood itself is black.”

I nodded, “It’s uh, it’s the result of a serum. Filters blood, and uhm, enzymes they produce more stable protein chains. It gives uh, increased resistance to disease, radiation poisoning, better shock response, all the good stuff.” I sighed, my eyes closing a lot longer than necessary for a single blink, “..Did you drug me?”

“You were moaning in pain, we gave you something to take the edge off.” Bennett stated before going back to the subject that clearly interested her more. “So this serum, it’s a functional equivalent of a super soldier serum? Who was involved in the study? I feel like I would have heard of a study like this.”

I shrugged, knowing that I would probably regret speaking when the drugs wore off, but too tired to stop myself. “It was a private study, no sponsors or corporate approval, the doctor was Becca something. I didn’t really know her.. She wasn’t really interested in the side effects of the serum, she was looking to make a stronger human, coded to a specific genome time, one of the chromosomes.. Trying to create an electronic to organic interface.” I rubbed my forehead, my head was starting to pound.

“So the serum was to help with the integration?”

“Mhmn, the subject and the interface are bonded together telepathically… Or it was supposed to. My serum was a dud. Nearly killed me trying to integrate.” But I lasted, just long enough.

“That’s..” Bennett sounded awestruck.

“Awful.” Mitchells finished for her, “I can’t imagine those tests were harmless. Projects like that, your most likely outcomes are so catastrophic that it’s pure insanity to even try. It’s barbaric.”

“I was a willing participant.” I replied, feeling more myself with every passing minute, “She tested on herself too.” I closed my eyes, remembering those chaotic memories, Becca and Allie fighting for dominance, fighting to save the world together. Against each other. Lexa returning to me, claiming me as her rightful successor.

“Preying on the weak, and the suicidal doesn’t make it ethically right.” Mitchells snapped.

“And I suppose helping to design a virus that revives the dead is?” I peeled my eyes open to look at him, “Eh? Science and medicine are full of unethical moments. So get off your damn horse.” I was designed from the ground up to be as near a perfect specimen as possible. From my blood type to my oxygen efficiency. All of it was made in a tube and mixed with some DNA so we look natural. Of all the things we did to people, genetic manipulation  _ with _ consent is far from the worst.

He looked down, hands on his head, “I didn’t know. I-I wasn’t part of that project. I was studying how to mutate viruses in lab conditions. Not this one, just, generic viruses, rhino viruses and the like, harmless things.”

I sighed, “You never thought that it would be used to breed something like what’s outside.”

“No, I-” He hesitated, “I didn’t..”

I reached out at patted his knee, gasping when the pain shot up my arm, “Ah! Wrong arm!” I half-laughed, half-cried as I cradled it to my chest. “Nomon-joka..” I panted, dropping my head back against the wall of the van, “Sorry, I uh, I don’t blame you.” Looking over, it was clear he didn’t believe me, “At least your count is accidental.”

“Yours isn’t?” Mitchells asked.

“Ai laik Wanheda, I led armies into the mountain, killed hundreds to save my people. My count is beyond numbers now.”

“Hundreds?” Suarez raised both eyebrows, “What did you do again?”

I thought about it and smiled, “International liaison.” It felt the most accurate to what I was doing, and the grim looks on their faces made it feel a bit lighter. “I would get dropped in with a few buddies, and I acted as liaison between our people and theirs. By the end of negotiations they agreed.”

Mitchells frowned, “What if they didn’t?”

“Then we stopped negotiating.” I replied easily, thinking of the bridge and the dropship. “Honestly, this is almost like a vacation.” I waved my arm, “The enemy is simple, the goals even simpler. Food, water, and a place to sleep at night.” I hit my head back against the metal, “Maybe this was a good thing.”

“Okay, I dunno who drugged Clarke, but clearly it was over the top.” Lindsey called from the driver’s seat, “Princess, are you done rambling and ready to navigate? I don’t really know the way as well as you do.”

“Yeah, uh,” I started looking for my bag and pulled out the map, “What’s the mile marker?”

“Uh, 127, we left town about two hours ago, only hit a few hiccups in the city.”

“We already went through the pass?” I was out a hell of a lot longer than I thought I was, holy shit. Talk about a power nap.

“Yeah, just made it out a few minutes ago. We hit some bumps, figured that’s what woke you up.” Lindsey looked at me through the rear view mirror.

I shrugged, “Maybe. The facility is maybe thirty miles out. We’re almost home free.”

“You sure it’s still clear?” Mitchells as it turns out, is the worry wart of the team, “Have you ever been there?”

“Don’t need to be there worya, just gotta do an easy walk-through, nice and slow-like, make sure we don’t miss anything, and then we turn on the plant. Put out some ‘danger: radiation’ signs, and no one will bother us. Too quiet for the dead, too scary for the living, and plenty of guns and bullets for everyone, if that’s how you like to roll.”

“You don’t like guns.” Bennett noted, very sure of her assessment.

I shrugged, “All life is precious, guns take away our connection to the lives we take. Makes it’s easy to forget, squeeze, pop and nothing. A sword, a bow, they bite back, connect you to your kill, remind you that you’re taking a life.” I thought of the disgust in Lincoln’s eyes, the fear in Indra’s, the way that Pike abused his power and his weapons. “I don’t like how easy guns make it.”

“This is why you will always be Kemosabe to me.” Lindsey said with a grin, “You’re too philosophical to be like any other jarhead.”

I chuckled, “Still better than commander of death.”

“Still haven’t told me how you got that one.”

“Sure I did.” I grinned, letting my eyes close, “Fairy tale bullshit, just like all my other stories.”

“One of these days you’re going to tell the truth about something and we’re never going to believe you.” Lindsey replied seriously, “Honestly, everything you say sounds like bullshit.”

“You’ll never know.” I sighed, “For all you know, I was raised on a secret government space station and shipped down with all the other criminally insane children to save air on a dying system.”

“SEE? You have to dumb down the detail dude, it’s waay too specific to be true.”

“Mmmn, but it’s too specific to be just any kind of lie either.”

Lindsey narrowed her eyes at me, and the scientists were watching us both like it was a game of tennis, bouncing between both parties. “Childhood.”

I knew what she was asking, “Mom’s a doctor, dad’s an engineer, I was groomed to be chief medical officer like mom. Dad found a breakdown in the environmental system, total oxygen consumption in two years. Tried to tell the people, mom turned him in and he was floated… Uh, shot out of an airlock.”

“Floated huh? Nice touch. Slang terms, makes it feel more realistic. What happened to your mom?”

“She became the chancellor’s right hand woman, running the station from behind the scenes. She became the chancellor after the old one went insane, and we struggled for power until I formed an alliance with the natives that required me to be in control. She went crazy, power hungry, and controlling after that.”

“I  _ knew _ you had mommy issues. Damn, you gotta be a cold son of a bitch to make up a story like that about your fucking mother. Did she start screwing the chancellor?” Lindsey joked, “It’s not a good story if she didn’t have an affair.”

I scoffed, “Daughter of a bitch, and no, she didn’t sleep with the chancellor.”

“Niiiice!” Lindsey snickered, “Okay, how did you form this alliance then?”

“I honored their ways, brought the braids of the current leader’s mentor to her, reported her death. We bonded, and then proved to have better medical know-how. Turns out a bunch of grounders living in fucking huts and broken down, reclaimed cities really like themselves some morphine and CPR.”

“Bulll-sheeet.” Lindsey cackled, swerving the truck around something on the road, “That’s stolen wholesale from fucking pocahontas.”

“Sure it is.” I smiled, glancing back to our silent audience, “Yeah?”

“..Were you lying to us about your condition?” Bennett asked, head tilted in confusion.

She’s cute, “Nah, that one’s true. Turns out they really like experimenting on people who don’t exist. No one we can bitch to if it fucks us up.”

Bennett frowned, “So why lie? You trust your friends right?”

“Of course I do, but it’s fun. She gets a kick out of it. So what if I was the kid in the closet? Or if I grew up in the city or the country, or the backwoods of somewhere that doesn’t exist? It’s all the same now.” I ran my thumb over my bandages, “It doesn’t matter who we were. Wanheda, Raivon, Mounon ripa, or Klark kom Skaikru, what matters now is what we do with our time and our resources, that we live for ourselves and for the ones we love. Make bonds, build refuges, help someone just for the hell of it.” I could see the degrees of confusion and agreement in their eyes, “Y’know, be fucking human, no matter what the bullshit is outside.”

“This is how I know she’s lying.” Lindsey informed the others, “No one raised by savages in the woods is this interested in the qualities of being human, this level of philosophical bullshit is just not a thing. I think she’s some professor’s kid who got into like, kendo or whatever the fuck the sword one is, and then went military for the tuition reduction for her social sciences degree or whatever.”

I snickered, “That’s way less fun than the genetic product of a spacefaring group of people trying to survive in a dying ship.”

“Yeah, but you forget one important thing Kemosabe,” Lindsey tapped her forehead, “If we sent that many fucking people to space, I think we could send them a new air conditioner or whatever when the old one breaks.”

“You got me there.”

Suarez rubbed his temples, “You two are giving me a headache.”

“Suarez, it’s a thought experiment, producing a lie so thorough and complete that it makes the listeners take it into stride without question. It requires an in-depth knowledge of a multitude of subjects, and just the right amount of ignorance to pull it off. Then, to further the quality of the experiment, it is tested against a skeptic who hones their abilities to pick apart the logical fallacies within the lie.” Bennett explained, “Like the lack of support from their origin country, and an over developed moral compass. They’re easily missed, but key parts of identifying the fallacy as such.”

“But why? It’s not like it matters right?”

Bennett smiled, her eyes lighting up with excitement, “On the contrary, the ability to tell a believable lie is the cornerstone of surviving in contact with other people. Suppose Ms. Clarke needs to interact with a local trade group, through her interactions, body language, and intentional slips, she can fool them into making dozens of assumptions about her that are simply not true.”

I have to admit, it’s kinda interesting hearing her pick all this apart, even if it’s not what I’m doing. I’m just too lazy to try to lie. “Think about her sword, and what it tells us about her. It’s clearly hand-crafted from salvaged materials, sharpened often, and never gets into her way. That tells us that she is used to wearing it, knows how to take care of it, and likely crafted it herself. This means that she is most likely highly capable with the weapon, and also capable of making another should the occasion arise. This also holds implications for body tone, muscular focus, fighting style, and even her approach to social situations. If she simply carried a pistol, we would make completely different assumptions.”

“Okay..” Suarez nodded, “So.. If she shows up with only knives on her person, I would assume she either can’t or won’t shoot, and if she does, she’s got shitty aim.”

I raised an eyebrow and he turned pink, “Uh, not that you do, just that’s what someone would assume.”

“Chilla yu daun worya, ai na nau striken yu daun.” I teased.

“And multilingual…” Bennett frowned, “Maybe, that sounded more like a dialect of english, like Pidgen.”

I nodded, “Yu get in et all, Gedasleng is a mixture of mostly slang with some original words thrown in. It’s about a hundred years or so from english.”

“It works really well at making her sound like a friggin nutjob hermit who’s trying to learn english, lemme tell you. When she goes off, it’s a lot harder to pick up her meaning.” Lindsey butted in.

“So you can also pretend a connection to certain cultures, and those more closely connected to their ancestral roots.” Bennett seemed impressed, “Whatever branch of the military you were in, they gave you a very diverse skillset.”

“Kyongedon nau laik yu gonas, osir teach op youngons as seken to warmonas en wonchas. Yu nau geden gon books en gonplei, yu geden gon jus drein ova yu han, disha ste oso edei. Ai geden thru fraggen, en jus ona ai tombom. Ai mafta op ai heimbri kom wintaim keryon, ai koma op oso, yu gonas bilaik goufas kicken raun gon bangas.”

“... See? Nutjob hermit.” Lindsey said after a long silence.

“I said, that the Kyongedon train their children by sending them into battle, to watch and experience and learn.” I translated the gist of it, keeping my voice as passive as I could. It was hard to say the words without thinking of them. Every one of the hundred that died with a rifle in their hands, protecting a space that they were forced to steal. The loss, when they were told they were no longer allowed to fight for that land.

“So you sent untrained people into a warzone?” Mitchells snapped.

I stared into his eyes, waiting until he was squirming in his seat and he couldn’t look me in the eyes any longer. “No. We trained them, but there is power in fighting for your life, and that should be respected.”

The van lurched to a stop and Lindsey turned around to talk with us. “Hate to interrupt, but we’re here.”

“Perfect.” I slapped the side of the van and pushed myself to my feet and lurched to the front to check out the plant. A few ripas were meandering along the road out front, and there were two more within the fence as well. 

“Shouldn’t you wait this one out?” Lindsey asked, giving my injured arm a pointed look.

“I can still hold my sword.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nomon-joka - motherfucker
> 
> Ai laik Wanheda - I am the commander of death
> 
> Worya - worrywart
> 
> Chilla yu daun worya, ai na nau striken yu daun - Calm down worrywart, I'm not going to speak ill of you.
> 
> Kyongedon nau laik yu gonas, osir teach op youngons as seken to warmonas en wonchas. Yu nau geden gon books en gonplei, yu geden gon jus drein ova yu han, disha ste osir edei. Ai geden thru fraggen, en jus ona ai tombom. Ai mafta op ai heimbri kom wintaim keryon, ai koma op oso, yu gonas bilaik goufas kicken raun gon bangas
> 
> -
> 
> Grounders aren't like your warriors, we train our children as seconds to warmongers and chiefs. You don't learn from books of war, you learn from blood dripping from your hands, this is our way. I learned from killing, and blood (guilt) in my heart. I give my prayers to the ancestors, and honor all, your warriors are children running around with guns.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty short, sorry for the long delays guys, I've been fighting against sleeping half my day away right now and it's been a trip. Thank you so much for sticking with me, just know that I am still working on these, I'm just trying to get some kind of focus on anything productive.

 

 

I’m not necessarily the most nurturing of individuals, one uh, one might call me cold. Or even heartless. My life has shaped me uniquely for the opportunities laid before me, an exploration of the human psyche in the most intense experiences of their lives. All around us the world burns to pieces, giving us a thousand chances to prove our character in minute ways. So to have the chance to leave the lab, well, I’m-I’m not entirely comfortable leaving it physically, but the intellectual exercise..

Our escorts are thoroughly human, in every way. Deflecting their fears onto humor, or through total shut-down. Their leader however is most fascinating. The broad scope of skilled deception and intellectual power in such a young person alone is impressive, but the way she carries herself. There’s confidence and command, she controls the room with her presence alone, and when she channels it intentionally, even the strongest personalities are cowed.

Doctors Mitchells and Suarez are very strong willed individuals within the laboratory, but this Clarke Griffin has this air of pure confidence and assumed submission that they seem to respond to quite well. Furthermore, the difference in her interactions with all of us.. With her comrades there’s a joking air of childishness, she plays with them, but with Suarez and Mitchells, she’s more like a mother chiding them for their close-minded views. It’s highly curious.

Even more so when she speaks with me, gentility, trust, almost that of communication between peers. I wonder what happened between us that made me into a peer, and Suarez into a child. I’ll admit his tendencies towards jumping to conclusions are often childish in my eyes, but we’ve been working in tandem for long enough that it is perfectly sensible that we have established a certain degree of mixed contempt and respect.

Perhaps I hold a resemblance to a peer, or my initial vulnerability, was enough to make me no longer a rival in her eyes? Yet another oddity to discover. Whatever it is, she has a strong instinct to protect people.

Blackened blood is dripping down her arm, most likely a result of increased blood pressure and heart rate. The only real sign to indicate that there is any fear or even adrenaline response to fighting against the dead. Her injury doesn’t look like it has any real effect on her capabilities.

High pain tolerance, and will power enough to fight the base instincts to protect one’s self and hide. Her teammates defer to her, even while injured. Though they seem quite capable, protecting her sides without getting in her way.

It’s an interesting dynamic.

Silent teamwork.

A thing of beauty.

They spent over four hours in the facility while we waited in the vans. Some of my more religious peers took to deific supplication, while most of the others did their best to survive the growing heat in the van. With the door and the driver’s side window open to encourage circulation, there was just enough of a breeze to ward off heatstroke in even the furthest corner from them where I sat, but it brought the smell with it. Decomposition is by far the most intriguing part of life, and equally repelling to the senses.

I’d like to think that this virus could be the next step in human evolution, the resistance to decay in the bodies in such high heat and humidity, it’s truly marvelous. The way that the virus attacks all living things is so vicious that even the resilient organisms in charge of decomposition can’t survive it. I’m honestly excited to begin working on finding a cure against such a lively organism.

“They’re back.” Suarez hopped out of the van and into open air without any consideration for the danger, waving the soldiers over, “Is everything clear?”

The asian looking one.. Dichen I think, she was the one who answered, letting him know that it was safe to start unpacking the vans. They all looked rather exhausted, but surprisingly clean considering what I assume they were doing. Clarke’s arm must have been cleaned and wrapped while they were inside, the bandage isn’t soaked through with that odd blackened blood.

She did however look pale. “Are you well?” I may not have much experience in the medical field, but I understand concepts like blood loss. Their commander was pale, sweaty, swaying slightly on her feet. Up close, there was a rather interesting smell, like charred meat.

There was no time for her to respond, as soon as her second noticed my attention to her commander, she was ordering her around. “Sit your ass down Clarke. IN the van. Now.” She pointed as if Clarke was incapable of navigating the five meters on her own.

Wordlessly, Clarke stumbled to the vehicle and slung herself into the passenger seat, seeming to go to sleep immediately. “What happened?” I frowned, it would not do for the people protecting us to let themselves hit such extreme points of exhaustion and pain.

“Nothing, she’s run herself ragged is all.” Lindsey climbed into the back of the van to start grabbing things, “As soon as you’re ready to get inside, you let me know or Dichen, we’ll escort you inside, put a bag over your head, whatever you need.”

My cheeks began burning and I think it became clear to both of us that it wasn’t the heat of the van causing it. “I-I don’t think measures like uh, like that are not necessarily uh, necessary. I-I-I will be just fine, thank you.” I ducked my head, and tried to squeeze myself into the corner a little tighter so I was no longer in the way of everyone unpacking the equipment.

I can wait until Clarke wakes up before going inside.

Perhaps I would have considered the bag option more had I known how long I would be waiting for Clarke to wake up. She didn’t start moving until this van was fully unpacked, and from what I heard, the second one was almost empty. I heard her rummaging through the front, I must have made a noise because she looked over her shoulder, “Is there any water back there?”

I passed up the big bottle Lindsey had set in the back before we started driving and curled back into my corner. Barely a few ounces later and she set the bottle back down. “There’s no need to ration, there’s plenty of ways to distil or purify water within the plant. That’s if they don’t have a dedicated desalinator.”

She chuckled, “There’s no need to chug it either. It’ll be more efficient to sip it over a few hours.”

“I suppose.” Despite her condition just an hour ago, she seems refreshed, more-so than when the drugs left her in that playfully exhausted state on the drive. “You must be an excellent specimen, your recovery time is very short. It’s a shame your blood is tainted.”

“Mmmn, being a Natblida still has its perks. I can start up the plant again without fear of exposing myself. That’s pretty awesome.” She rested her chin against the back of the chair, “So what are you still doing in here?”

“I uh, thought I would test my personal resistance to heat exhaustion.”

Clarke started laughing, “How is that going?”

The sound was infectious, and I’m not too proud to admit that the lie was rather obvious. “Seven hours of exposure and counting.”

“Here, drink some water,” She tossed the bottle back to me, still laughing to herself, “Then when you’re ready, we’ll get you into the lab… It’s actually not bad. Clean, the storage closets look pretty well stocked.”

That makes a lot of sense, “Our superiors designed the plant to survive a number of different emergency situations.”

Clarke gave a knowing nod, “Yeah, I know about those. Turns out they don’t last as long as we think.” She smiled, “Thankfully this one is well designed. It should provide for us for quite a while if we keep our heads down.”

“Well, that is good news..” She’s clearly trying to convince me of the intelligence of leaving the van for the lab, “But that does nothing for irrationality.”

“I’m sure it drives you insane.” She commented, “The lack of logic in your perfectly organized universe. How many times have you tried to rationalize it, or make it into a reasonable fear?”

“More than I can count.” I wrapped my arms around my knees, feeling my heart race just from looking at the open door.

“Well, I’m going to need you to close your eyes nice and tight Dr. Bennett.” She got out of the vehicle and I did the exact opposite of her request.

“Wha-what do you mean? There’s no way. You can’t take me out there. You can’t make me, it isn’t safe.” I rambled my protests, but she walked into the van and wrapped her arms around me. All of a sudden, I was trapped in her strong arms, lifted off the ground and clinging to her neck. “This is highly unnecessary!”

“Close your eyes,” She said softly, tightening her grip on me. Then she began to hum in my ear, tucking my head between her jaw and shoulder so I couldn’t see, so it didn’t feel like being exposed in the open. My heart fluttered in my ears, and I could feel the adrenaline racing, but she held me so tight that I almost wasn’t scared. I could almost believe that I was safe.

Her voice is lovely, I don’t know the tune at all, but it is beautiful.

“See? No problem at all.” The door creaked shut behind us, “You’re inside, you’re safe.” She murmured.

I cracked an eye open. The windows were too broad for real comfort, but with her right there, it all felt fine. Everything is fine? It shouldn’t be, but it is.

“Are you okay if I set you down?” She asked softly, her voice warm in my ears.

That’s when I realized that not all the trembling was my own. “Y-yes, yes of course.” Idiot, she’s hurt, and you’re making it that much harder for her to heal.

She set me down gently, keeping an arm around me until I’m stable on my feet. Then she jerked her chin, “The main living space is that way.”

I swear she has a fever, her hand is burning a metaphorical hole through my shirt, and while I did my best to ignore it, the heat traveled to my cheeks rather easily. I followed her lead down the hallway, clamping my mouth shut to keep from some kind of ridiculous rambling to give away my current state of… Fancy.

She didn’t let go of me until we entered an inner door, reinforced with steel, leading to the control centers of the plant, and stairs down to the inner workings, emergency lights provided dim visibility. “This is where we’re staying, all other exits will be barricaded off from the inside. Keep this place looking abandoned. If no one knows what’s here, then no one comes knocking.” Clarke announced, drawing the attention of my peers and her soldiers. “I want to see minimal time outdoors, and minimal vehicle travel. We siphon off the tanks, store the gasoline in airtight containers, preserve it for when we need it.”

“How are we going to get water if we don’t go outside?” Ortiz braced his hands on his hips.

“The plant has a pump for the cooling towers, water comes in through the same system. Desalination system is on a different line so we can turn it on and off as we need. We should stockpile as much water as we can store though, in case something happens with the plant itself. As for food, we have the dried goods in the pantry downstairs, and then I have a few caches that I will go collect as soon as I’m back to a hundred percent.”

“What if people show up?” Mitchells asked.

“Let them wander. If anyone walks into our living quarters, then we take care of them however that needs to happen. If shooting is the best option, then that’s what you do.”

There was an odd tone to her voice, “You sound like you’re trying to set us up for independence.” I spoke up, stepping back to look her in the eye.

She folded her arms over her chest, “I am. I have a few more thing I need to get done, so in a week or two, I will go off, I shouldn’t be long, maybe two weeks, a month tops. Lindsey and Dichen will stay to-”

“Like hell we will! You are not going there on your own Clarke.” Lindsey snapped, “You don’t-”

“En pleni!” Clarke’s voice rose, “You are needed here, I will be safe, I’ll be with good people, there’s no need to worry about me. These people however, they need your help, they need to focus on their goals.”

“And you need to focus on yours, right?” Lindsey sneered.

“Come with me.” Clarke stalked out of the room and back out into the main building. Lindsey huffed angrily and stalked after her, leaving us in a dead silence behind them.

“So that’s it, we do all the work, the research, and she runs off as soon as we’re stuck indoors.” Mitchells grouched, giving Dichen a dirty look. She didn’t seem particularly impressed with his anger, but she also kept herself rather tightly contained during Clarke’s announcement too.

“She has a purpose.” I defended her, “As do we, I don’t see her locking you in Mitchells, if you want to leave then leave. But if you do, then you must understand that you are choosing to live out in the mess they just cleared out for us. We were dying in that lab, it was a matter of time. There’s no need to take umbrage at anyone here having personal motives for staying or going, even more so for those who choose to come back.”

He stared me down, waiting for me to back off.. The way I usually do, but I didn’t. I won’t let him talk poorly of the woman who has sacrificed her health and her freedom to protect us.

“Go set up your workspace Mitchells.” Ortiz finally broke the silence, “Cool off while you’re down there.”

He kicked a door open and did as he was told, muttering angrily.

When Lindsey and Clarke returned from their discussion, Lindsey looked almost as upset, but not angry. Resigned, I think. She went to speak with Dichen, talking quietly with the rather passive looking woman while Clarke moved among my peers, speaking with all of them privately for a few minutes.

“Hey, are you okay?” She finally ended the rounds with me.

“I am, I’m fine. Clarke, thank you for your concern, but I’m fine.” I ducked my head, trying to shut down my body’s natural response.

She lifted my chin, looking me in the eyes despite my discomfort, “Are you sure? I hear you’re the brightest mind in here, I’d hate for you to be any less than comfortable.”

“I..” I don’t know if she meant to sound so.. For her words to affect me like… “P-positive.” I stammered.

“You tell me if you need anything, if something happens, anything at all. I want to know.” 

She let go of my chin and I nodded, “I-I will.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is finally going to make it to the ranch, surprise surprise, she's early. So now she has to sit and wait and without any familiar faces, she has to be a little friendlier with people, and she has to break out of her shell just a little bit.

Clarke

 

Taking care of my arm did not end up being the hardest part of leaving, or collecting the caches I left behind, the nine that weren’t found anyway. No, it was the damn reactor. Starting up that bitch cold was by far the worst part of getting ready to go, and we nearly ran out of water before we got the plant running again. She’d been running on minimal settings for so long that increasing the output was nearly impossible. Once we did get it going, things were a hell of a lot better. Electricity, lights, refrigeration, all of the most important things for running a lab, and the most important part of establishing comfortable living quarters.

The stitches came out last week, and the cauterization scars, well, they’re ugly but small enough to not impede my movement too much. Most of it actually looks pretty normal now, I blame Dichen for taking over when she did. I nearly passed out three stitches in. 

“Heading out east?” Lindsey leaned against the tailgate of one of the trucks, arm folded over her chest. She watched me double and triple-check my things.

I nodded, “Yeah, I need to see her, I need to make sure she’s safe.”

Lindsey scoffed, and I hated to hear the bitter sound. “If you die, you’d better come back so I can smack you.”

“I’ll haunt you to the end.” I promised, holding out an arm.

She chuckled and took it, yanking me into a tight hug, “You’d better bring this girl of yours back, cus there’s no way I’m believing your warrior princess bullshit until I do.”

“And if she isn’t who I say she is?” I asked.

Lindsey narrowed her eyes, “Then we’re gonna have words Kemosabe.”

I ducked my head, “Better get working on those.” Who knows who she is now?

 

Jeremiah Otto

 

Teotwawki was nothing like I thought it would be, I thought the stock markets would crash, the farmers and ranchers of the world taking back the value of their trades. Mankind returning to their original state. Worshiping the land and working for our dinner. Turns out it feels a lot more like being a refugee camp. In the first week or two, I only accepted people with buckets, ants in a world of grasshoppers.

Then it turned into accepting people who had something to bring to the table, markers of their own dedication to self-preservation. Finally, a week or so ago, we had to start turning people away, too many dry throats and not enough rain to sustain them. That’s how we got to be so many, a hundred and thirty-eight survivors, all dedicated to planning for a better future. With so many to watch over, I leave most of the supply runs to my sons, mostly Troy. Keeps him out of trouble if he can entertain his darker proclivities. Out of the public eye.

It gives me time to really focus on the inner workings of the ranch, the inhabitants, and as such I’ve memorized every face on the whole damn property. So who the hell is the girl messing with my goddamn horse? “Do I know you ma’am?” I asked, standing next to her, prepared to call out should she get violent.

“Doubt it.” She replied. She didn’t look like much of a threat with her tank-top and jeans, but the sword strapped across her back made her either a fool or a fighter.

“The name’s Jeremiah Otto,” I offered her a hand, “And you are?”

“Clarke Griffin.” She took my forearm in a firm grip, looking me dead in the eye with those baby blues.

Fierce little thing. I chuckled, “How did you get past the sentries? If I may ask.”

“Last night, just walked. Hopped the fence.” She raised an eyebrow, “I set up camp by the oak,” She pointed to the gnarled old tree on the hillside to the north of the RV’s, “You mind if I camp out?”

I looked down to her and considered the options, “I’m afraid we can’t just feed everyone who breaks onto the property. If you want to eat, you’ve got to work.” It seemed like the best option, who knows, maybe she’ll be an asset.

“No thanks.” She scooped a leather satchel off the ground, “I can get my own food.” She fished out an object about the size of one of those mini candy bars they used to sell, “Snack?”

I took it, examining it closely. By the time I realized what it was, she’d already grabbed another from her bag and crunched away at it. “Uh, no thank you.” I handed back the dead roach. I’ll need to wash my hands before I touch.. Anything really.

“Your loss.” She took it back, “They’re perfectly safe, I cleaned and cooked them myself.”

“Well, I admire your dedication to foraging for your own dinner.” It was the truth, she looks like a girl more than capable of taking care of herself, even if she is cracked in the head. Eating cockroaches.. Disgusting. “So long as you don’t take anything from the ranch, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like, I suppose.”

“Then it’s a deal.” She held out a hand to one of the horses, patting it’s cheek.

I guess if she’s not here to cause trouble, and she’s not going to be a draw on our supplies, there’s no real reason to hover anymore. As I was on my way back to my chores, she stopped me. “Have there been any other new arrivals recently?” She asked, “I have some friends in the area, wanted to know if they ended up here.”

I guess I don’t see the harm in telling her that, “Not for a week. You know their names? I can ask around.”

“Don’t worry about it.” She smiled at me, looked quite sweet really, “I’ll find them.” There was a steely determination in her eyes that I have to say I admire. It’s rare to find such fire in someone so young, even more so now. I’ll have Jake keep an eye on her when he gets back.

 

Clarke

 

Two days of socializing with the other people on the Ranch before they started talking, before they respected that I will actually provide for myself. Once they saw that, it was like becoming mounon ripa, they welcomed me in with open arms. They learned my name, waved when they saw me, some of the teenagers invited me to join their band. Heh, it’s strange, it’s like the world is just fine here.

I can only hope they last.

“Clarke!” Gretchen waved at me, jogging across the grounds, “Hey, so I know you said you aren’t religious, but I was thinking, maybe we could just hang out tonight?” She asked breathlessly, her hands braced on her knees.

The gate remained closed. One more night perhaps. “Sure, sounds like fun.”

Her face split into a massive grin, “Perfect, we’re meeting up after dinner, if you want you can join us. I don’t think the Ottos will begrudge you one dinner.”

I thought about it and shook my head, “No, I have to check on some things. I’ll meet you here?”

She bobbed her head excitedly, “I knew you were gonna be cool.” She punched my shoulder playfully. “Can’t wait.”

I chuckled and patted her shoulder, “Me either.” Her enthusiasm is endearing all on its own. I set off to my camp on the north end of the ranch, set in a narrow valley between two decently sized hills. On the far side of the fence there were rabbits all over the place, so I set a few snares along their runs. I jumped the fence and meandered along the path I wore into the shrubs.

Anya would mock me for being so easily followed, and hopefully commend me for the quality of my snares. Two rabbits, not bad considering my inexperience. It’s not like I ever caught anything in the ones Wanheda had me lay. There was never anything alive to catch. I grabbed the scared animal around the neck and gave it a firm wrench. The rabbit cried out briefly before going limp in my hands. The second was equally scared, but went quietly.

In the time before I had to meet with the others I skinned the beasts and only ruined a little of the pelt. I hung them up on the tree to dry out with a small fire underneath them. It was built to die off after a few hours. Hopefully that would be enough.

Gretchen and the others were right where they said they’d be when I hiked back to the homestead. “Clarke! See? I told you she’d make it.” Gretchen punched one of the boys playfully, “It’s just over here.” She waved, “So this is Terry and Gabe, and Geoff is waiting inside.” The boys giggled over that, probably some kind of doll or the drum set or something. Terry and Gabe gave off very strong Monty and Jasper vibes.. Well, Monty and Jasper when they first walked off the dropship…

“Hey, you coming?” Terry nudged my shoulder. The other two had already set off for the, the wherever we’re going.

“Yeah, sorry.” I nodded, following after them. My mind was still stuck on the past as I pushed through the shrubs and dust to the cellar door. It looked like a bunker, like the one Bell and I found those guns in. There were so many things we did wrong.

Gretchen opened the door and confirmed my suspicions. “After you.” She smiled, gesturing to the heavy ladder.

I sensed no malice in her, so I took to the ladder, climbing down into the dark storeroom. “The art supply store..” I swear, it looks just like it.

“What’s that?” Gabe asked, his red hair sticking up all over the place like Monty’s, “We’ve got some paper and pencils somewhere around here.” He offered.

“No I-”

“Alright boys, get your study materials.” Gretchen teased, grabbing some mason jars and pouring out clear liquid from a homemade still. I guess they aren’t so different from Jasper and Monty’s crowd.

“This what religion looks like?” I asked, watching them set up some kind of tube, it looked like some kind of contraband I’d seen in passing.

“It is now.” Terry laughed.

“Greens to the new girl?” Gabe offered me the pipe and lit a lighter next to a metal flange.

“She is one of god’s chosen.” Gretchen replied with a cheerful shrug. Like the others, she was watching mr expectantly.

I looked at the thing and they chuckled, “This is how you do it.” Gretchen leaned over the table to hold the wide end of the pipe and inhaled deeply, blowing sweet smelling smoke across the room.

Gabe offered it to me again with a grin and I tried it, inhaling shallowly, just in case it didn’t sit well with me. It spread through my lungs, irritating them until I coughed out the heavy air. The others passed around more jars full of moonshine, and they all settled into their sagging chairs.

“Go your way,” Gretchen hummed, “Eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart. For god has already accepted your works.”

Of course their religion is based around living for the end. I chuckled, looking around at the others for their final member of this band, “Where’s Geoff?”

The others grinned, looking over to Gretchen. She sprayed some kind of perfume and lifted the lid off a can, pulling out a ripa head inside a bird cage. She walked it over and sat the silly thing in front of me on the table. Everyone watched me, worried I would go running and telling their parents.

It’s funny how much they feel like a group of teenagers, locked in the skybox, worried about the adults who can’t even touch us. I laughed, sitting back in my chair.

The others joined in, relaxing again.

We drank and smoked in the enclosed room, the air filling up with that sickly sweet smell. “Geoff wants to know.” Terry glanced at the growling head, “Where are you from?”

I sighed, flopped back against the soft couch. I swear to god it’s the softest thing I’ve ever laid on. Even softer than Lexa’s bed. “Orchid station, United Ark Federation, Earth orbit, in the milky way galaxy.” Who cares? No one believes me anyway.

“You’re from space?” Gabe giggled, “Noooo..”

Terry drank, slopping some down his chin, “If you’re from space, then how come you came back?”

“We were dying, just like this world…” I took a deep breath of perfume and whatever herb they were smoking, “And now we all get to live.. For a little while.” I poked the cage, heh, he doesn’t look like the end of the world, not like this, with his little head stuck in a cage.

“Maybe you can, but we’ve all been stuck in this ranch since before TE.”

“TE?” I raised my eyebrows and felt my head follow my eyes in a lazy turn.

“The end, everyone here was survivalists, crazy people thinking the end was nigh.” Terry waved his hands in the air with a laugh.

“Not so crazy now eh?” Not even a little bit.

Gretchen was watching me with more focus than the others, head tilted, that vague smile on her face. Like Lexa, she always has that vague smile. Like she knows what you’re thinking.. And she does, which is why it’s so frustrating. She always knows, she’s perfect like that. I smiled back.

“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?”

The others went quiet, something other than music and merriment weaving through the air. “I made my friends help me kill almost four hundred people.” I could still feel Bellamy, holding my hand, taking responsibility for what I did. What *I* told Monty to do.  _ I  _ did that, but he let himself get eaten alive by the guilt. “All because I was afraid to do it alone.”

They stared at me, eyes glazed, they would remember, but not like this. Not as serious.

“They were hurting us, killing our people, hunting us for a cure of their own.. They earned it, but I couldn’t pull the switch on my own..”

Terry spoke first, “That’s…”

“Deep.” Gabe nodded, “ _ Follow me, and let the dead bury their dead. _ ” 

The others nodded with him, “I’ve never heard someone call them people before.” Gretchen swayed in her seat, “What’s it like? To kill them?”

I looked down at Geoff and pulled the knife from my boot, “Find out.” I stabbed it into the table and refilled my cup. They laughed and chuckled, but it was weak.

Gabe mumbled about something crazy and went back to playing with his guitar. We sat and talked, talked about the founders of the ranch, about Jeremiah and his sons, but their eyes drifted.

You could feel whenever they started looking. At Geoff.

At the knife.

Time stretched and flexed itself like a stoka. My eyelids drooped, and the others looked half asleep themselves when Gabe took the knife, looking at Geoff.

“What do I do?” He asked, staring at Geoff.

I chuckled, turning the cage on its side and dumped Geoff onto the table. “Stab it. Only part left is the part you can kill.”

He looked at me for something, grinned, and grabbed Geoff by the forehead. He stared at the snarling creature and then stabbed it.

“Oh my god!” Gretchen jumped, giggling to herself.

Gabe laughed and stabbed it again.

Brains and blood leaked out across the wood, staining it, “Dude! Grooosssss..” Terry whined.

They were giggling like little kids over it, I couldn’t help it, it was so funny, I joined them.

We could have giggled all night for all I know. They played with the mess, flicking it at each other, we chased each other around the room like idiots playing tag. We ran and laughed and drank until something started to beep.

“What’s that?” I asked, panting, my legs flopped across Terry’s lap.

“Time to return to the land of the living.” Gabe groaned, the knife still in his hand. “..Can I keep this?”

I looked at the carved wooden handle and wondered. How did he get Lexa’s knife? “Lemme see that?” I took it from him, the blade bit into my palm. I hissed but didn’t let go. “This is Lexa’s knife..” I frowned, staring at it, trying to make the three knives turn back into one.

I rose up on my elbow to try and see better, carved wooden handle, sharp point.. It’s hers right? No, it’s missing something.

“Who’s Lexa?”

“I.. I’m here to find her.” I shook my head, “She’s on her way.”

“How do you know?” They asked in hushed tones.

“The spirit told me, she told me to come here, to find my Lexa..” I shouldn’t be here. I should be out there.. Looking for her… For..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are so awesome, and so supportive and I want to thank you for that. I'm so sorry for the long break, I wasn't sure just how much of Clarke's journey I wanted to include, and there was a lot of editing and re-reading here, so I'm sorry for the long wait, and you won't have to wait nearly as long for the next chapter.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there guys! Long time no see... eheh, uh yeah, so this has been ready for a while but I had to iron out some details and I got caught up and I love you all and enjoy this new chapter. Also thanks for all the reviews, they keep me on task better than anything else. You guys are awesome!

Clarke

 

I came to in the field by the bunker. Gretchen was grinning down at me, “Wakey wakey eggs and bakey.” She gestured with a little metal tray in her hands, “First time?”

“Ugh...” My head throbbed when I spoke, “You have any water?”

“I came prepared.” She said cheerfully, holding up her tray of rather aromatic.. Stuff. “Eggs, bacon, toast, annnnd some coffee too. All on the house.”

I looked over the tray and the only part that looked at all familiar was the meat strips next to the yellow stuff… I think I’d seen a grounder eat something like that once. Gretchen laughed, “It’s not gonna bite you, go on, try it. I swear none of it’s powdered.”

It probably would be more familiar if it were powdered. I guess I hovered over the plate for too long, Gretchen grabbed a triangle and smeared some soft creamy stuff on it and then put a meat strip and some yellow stuff on there. She took a big bite out of it and gestured to the plate for me to do the same.

I sniffed the triangle and it smelled a bit like the nuts they would grind up into powder, none of it really smelled poisonous or offensive, though the yellow stuff had a pretty strong sulfurous smell to it. Gretchen was starting to laugh at me again so I just made the same little stack that she had and bit into it. As it turns out, the triangle and the meat were the most flavorful part, just dripping with salt and fat like a proper grounder roast. The rest of it was mostly texture, fluffy, soft, just a hint rubbery, and that spread was just amazing, I’m pretty sure I could just eat that forever. “Oh my god,”

Gretchen laughed, “What, you never have an egg sandwich before?” She shoved my shoulder and I rolled my eyes. It seemed to be enough of an answer for her while I chowed down on the rest of the food on the plate. Without the toast triangles and the bacon strips, I didn’t particularly care for the eggs, but the three together is just amazing.

I let Gretchen have the brown water she brought though, it smelled delicious but the first sip almost made me retch, it was more bitter than the worst of the algae shakes I’d ever had.

She took the tray when I polished off the rest of the food there, “Hey, I gotta go get this cleaned up, but if you want to hang out with us again tonight, it’s the same time and place.”

“I’ll check my calendar and get back to you.” I joked.

“Hah! You’re funny.” She grinned over her shoulder, walking the tray back to the camp. “See you later Clarke!”

In that moment it was easy to pretend that this is the world, just livestock and people living their lives but… Much like the grounders, you can smell the tension in the air, that hint of fear and caution that colored their every move and look reminds you that the world isn’t easy. And it never will be. “Back to work, I guess.” 

I got to my feet and as soon as the spinning stopped, I started off. Back to my tree to check on the rabbit meat, cutting that into strips, sealing it up in some plastic bags I’d found. Check the snares, reset the old ones in new spots, skin the new rabbit and set it up to dry. Test my hides to see if they’re ready to be treated, which they aren’t.

By the time I finished it was barely mid-morning. Nothing to do but wait for something to happen. So I pulled out my sketchbook and sat in the gnarled oak to draw out the curve of the corral, the way the mobile homes curled themselves together like the houses in the cities. All this open space and they still build roads, cut paths and do their best to imitate the way their old homes and communities must have looked. I suppose we did the same, sleeping in tight quarters around the dropship, and then in the remains of Mecha station in Arkadia.

We all missed our safe spaces by the end.

A convoy of trucks drove across the horizon, popping up between the hills. I was halfway through blocking out the new arrivals when I realized who it could be. I left my book behind and ran down the hill. Please be here Lexa, please. I just need to know you’re safe. I was halfway to the gate when the trucks stopped and kicked out two people, a man and a woman. The trucks kept rolling and they left the pair outside the gate. They had some kind of agitated conversation and then hugged for a long time. I paused by the gate, giving them a moment of privacy.

Pete, the one manning the gate also averted his eyes. “You shouldn’t be here. Something went wrong during the mission, half the convoy is missing.” He murmured to me.

“Hey, I’m just the crazy wanderer right?” I smiled, patting his arm, “I just jumped the fence, ignoring orders. Not like Otto can blame you for that.” He gave a relieved nod and let me by him, we both wanted answers. And as much as they refused to admit it, Jeremiah Otto was both autocratic leader, and a stodgy old fool. A lot like Kane, before he understood the hundred had earned their freedom a dozen times over.

I hopped the fence by the pair and waited, sitting on one of the posts for them to acknowledge me. Neither one was Lexa, nor did they look anything like her. The woman was around the same age as Abby, weathered face, tired, beaten. She looked determined past exhaustion, the ready to burn down a house so she had a warm bed to sleep in, kind of determined. The man was closer to my age or Bellamy’s, long stringy hair, he looked pissed about something. Beyond the anger was a deep-set exhaustion.

That, I can empathize with.

“Who are you?” The woman put her hand over her eyes to look at me, one hand on her hip, looking like she was reaching for something.

I raised my hands, “Just here to peep at the newcomers.” I jerked my head to the gate, “Pete says half the convoy’s missing, was looking to see what happened.”

“Why don’t you go ask Troy?” The guy accused. Whoever this Troy guy is, neither of them like him. The name sounds vaguely familiar.

“I’m new,” I smiled, “Otto doesn’t really do sharing time. It’s help yourself or get left behind out here.” Kind of refreshing really.

“That’s not what Jake said.” The woman narrowed her eyes at me.

I hopped off my pole, “There’s a lot of names getting thrown around, but I’ve yet to hear yours. I’m Clarke.” I held out a hand, the people around here are obsessed with shaking hands all the time. Even more so than the Ark.

She clearly hesitated, then shook my hand, “Madison Clark, this is my son Nick.”

“Nice to meet you both.” I dropped her hand, feeling wrong and weird about it, the way my wrist bent. “What brings you out here?”

“We got picked up by Troy and his people out on the border. We-”

Nick shook his head and started pacing, “We’re just looking to get some medicine for Luciana, some supplies, and then we’re gonna go.”

“Yeah?” I tilted my head, “I’m headed west in a few days, maybe a week. I’ve got a truck and I could use the company.”

“There’s nothing out there.” Nick snapped, “It’s all burned out.”

I snorted, “Sure. If you’re here to supply up and duck out, why’re you outside the gate?”

“My husband, and daughter, we got separated.” Madison explained, “They took the helicopter and-”

“Luciana was in there too.” Nick interrupted, “And they should be here by now.”

“Sounds bad,” I hesitated, that could be them. That could be Lexa out there, “What’re they’re names? I can go look for them while you two wait for Otto to make a decision.”

“Travis and Alicia,” Madison named them instantly, taking my hand in both of hers, “Please, if you can find them, bring them back.”

Her desperation was palpable, “I will find your people, ai swega yu klin.” I promised, “I’ll bring them back safe and sound.”

Madison nodded, releasing my hand when I pulled away. “Hey Pete, you know someone with a horse I could borrow?” I asked, sliding between the bars of the gate pretty easily.

“Your friend Gretchen has one, the Trimbols keep theirs over by the far corral.” He pointed.

“Thanks!” I took off across the grounds. Gretchen was inside the kitchen doing dishes, and as soon as I mentioned needing a ride, she was happy to let me borrow her horse, with the promise that I would be careful. A pretty easy lie if you ask me, I’m not going to be reckless, but I will bring Lexa home, whatever the cost.

It was only twenty minutes before I was back at the gate, riding Gretchen’s horse as pointed out to me by the woman at the stables. Pete let me out of the front gate, offering a brief apology to the Clarks for keeping them out. His brief ‘sorry’ was the last thing I heard before the thunder of my mount’s hooves took over. I followed the road for maybe two miles before slowing to a walk, it didn’t feel right. They wouldn’t travel along the road any more than I would.

What was it Madison said? They were at the border. South then, I turned off to the hillside on my right and saw Wanheda standing there, smirking at me. “Intuition my ass.” I huffed, “You know, just once I’d like a hint.”

_ “Who says I didn’t give you one?”  _ She chuckled,  _ “Lexa is waiting for you.” _

“She doesn’t even know I exist anymore.” I wrote the comment off, even if I did kick my horse into a run. He seemed just as happy to let loose and run as he was to meander across the hills, so I ran him until he slowed down on his own and saw a trio walking slowly, it looked like their third was being carried between them. “Hey!” I waved, trotting my horse over to them.

The man let go of the woman caught between him and lifted his rifle. I was too far to tell which one was Lexa and I just wanted to run over there. Instead I tugged the horse to a stop and raised my hands, “Hey, hey, no need for that. I came from the ranch.”

He didn’t move, “I know every person at the ranch and I don’t know you. That horse belongs to the Trimbols.”

“Jake!” The two women were trying to keep their feet, but I knew that voice anywhere. I could have fainted with relief, I swayed. She’s okay. She’s fine and she’s here and she’s alive.

“No, no he’s right. Gretchen, she let me borrow him, Madison said someone was hurt and Jeremiah had to talk to someone.. Uh Troy? They just made it back to the ranch about an hour ago.” I jerked my thumb over my shoulder to the ranch, “Your friend doesn’t look so hot, mind if I check her out?” I lifted the strap to my bag. He glanced over to the girls and shifted his grip nervously, “You can keep pointing the gun at me if you want.”

He didn’t say anything, so I dismounted slowly,  walking over with the horse. “My name’s Clarke, I’m going to help your friend now.” I pointed, still walking over there. Lexa laid down her friend onto the dusty trail and I had to hold everything in. It felt like my heart was pounding out of my chest, swelling up like it was going to burst through, but I couldn’t do a damn thing. He could shoot me right here and I would be happy. I wish I could tell her I love her, or hold her hand or anything. It’s like being in the city of light all over again.

I knelt by the injured woman, she had darker skin like the grounders and a sluggish bleed on both sides of her shoulder. “Hey, my name is Clarke,” I said quietly, “What’s your name?”

“Luciana,” Her eyes were glassy, “You are from the ranch?”

“No, I’m just passing through.” I don’t know if she saw my smile, she certainly didn’t feel me checking her wounds at all. She hadn’t been stitched up, and the wound looked old, bleeding sluggishly. Her blood pressure tanked hours ago I’m sure. She shouldn’t have been moved at all, let alone moved without any additional attention. I looked up to the one with the gun, a quiet rage burning in my stomach. “Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you right here.”

He frowned, lifting the muzzle to point at my face, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but we don’t have time for this, we have to get back to the ranch.”

“Hey!” Lexa got up, moving between myself and the guy, “Jake stop it, both of you. We need to get her back to the ranch okay? Can we put her on the horse?”

Yeah right. “She’s going to die.” I snapped, “She would have died and turned long before you got back. How hard is it to take care of her? God, carrying her like this is torture, it’s cruel. I don’t know what either of you were thinking, but she isn’t going anywhere until I treat her.” I exhaled sharply, sinking to the ground and began making preparations.

The worst sign of all of this was that Luciana didn’t even seem to notice our debate. I started with drizzling some water into her mouth. “Joking branwoda goufas, nou get in yu drein woda daun. Braggin gon wamplei.” I pulled my knife out of my boot and heard the safety flip off on the rifle.

“Jake! Stop it! Can’t you see she’s trying to help?” Lexa snapped.

“She has a knife Alicia!” He protested, “How do you think she’s going to help with that?”

Clearly I need to deal with him first. Lexa started yelling again and I grabbed the barrel of his rifle, pushing it away to aim at the dirt and launched myself at him, slamming into his waist, my knife digging into his throat when he tried to scramble away. “En pleni.” I stared him down, finding a perverse amount of pleasure in the wild, terrified look in his eyes,“I cannot help her with you pointing guns at me. You are not useful here, get on the damn horse and leave if that’s what you need to do, but do not pretend you understand anything about medicine because I will kill you.”

Another gun clicked just behind me, “Get off of him.” Lexa ordered, her voice trembling.

I looked up at her, sharking hands clenched around a pistol, her expression begging me to just back off. “..Sha heda.” I moved off of his chest and waited, arms outstretched so she could see both hands.

As much as I could practically feel Luciana’s life draining from her, I couldn’t look away from him. This Jake felt like Finn, desperate, dangerous, and unaware of the real repercussions of what he’s doing. “She’s right, you can’t help with this Jake.” Lexa told him, tucking her pistol into her waistband. “Go back to the ranch and tell your father what happened.”

“But Alicia-”

“Just go Jake, I’ll be fine.” Alicia told him.

“If they don’t come back-” He let his threat trail off, glaring at me.

“It will be because they realized you nearly got their friend killed.” I replied, digging out the lighter Lindsey entrusted me with, and the tinder from my bag.

Jake took a threatening step towards me and Alicia shoved him, “Just go okay? I’ll be fine.”

I’m sure that he took so long because he was glaring daggers at me, but I swear by the time he was actually leaving with Gretchen’s horse, I had a fully fledged fire burning on the trail. “You’re Alicia right?” I looked up to Lexa just briefly, trying to stay focused on a very foggy Luciana. She gave a curt nod, clearly upset at both me and Jake. “Can I get you to go grab some dead branches to feed this?”

She gave me a suspicious look, “I’ll need something to cut them.”

“You want to make sure I won’t kill your friend while you’re distracted.” I offered her the knife, “And it’s good of you to worry for her.”

Alicia took the knife, hesitating, “Aren’t you worried I’m going to kill you?”

“Not at all.” I got back to work, cleaning Luciana’s wound as thoroughly as I could. I emptied nearly a whole bottle just to make sure that there wasn’t any dust or debris in the partially closed hole. Luciana was moaning in pain through all of this, so I began to hum to her, hoping for her to pass out before the really panful shit starts.

Alicia came back with the wood and set it next to the growing little flame I’d been coaxing off and on. “How’s she doing?”

“Still awake.” Unfortunately. I set up the wood just so, so the flames would crawl up the sides of the dry branches and form a nice little square furnace. “Knife?” I held out my hand.

She was surprisingly forthcoming with it, placing it in my palm carefully, “What are you going to do?”

“What should have been done days ago when she was first shot.” I replied, trying not to be too pointed at her, “I’m going to cauterize it.”

She gave me a shocked look, “What? Why? Are you crazy?”

“No, the idiot who decided to throw her on a transport instead of stitching her up is crazy.” I snapped back, holding the blade out to heat up. “Even a terrible job would have been better than just bandaging her. I don’t get what you people have against cauterizing.” I remember the horrified looks on Lindsey and Dichen’s faces when I asked them to help me cauterize my arm back when we first cleared the Nuclear Plant. If they hadn’t, I would have bled out before we finished clearing the first floor.

“You people?” She raised an eyebrow, “You sound pretty damn American to me.”

I snorted, as if the boundaries of a country are the defining feature of why someone is too afraid of pain to be willing to do what it takes. I pulled the knife out of the flame and pressed down Luciana’s shoulder down hard enough that she cried out, “Put something in her mouth to bite on.”

Despite her clear disapproval, Alicia grabbed a stick and shoved it between the patient’s teeth just before I pressed the hot metal onto her arm. Luciana tried to sit up, screaming into the stick and then she went limp. Thank god, I felt cruel doing this to her without any pain medication. Together we waited while the blood sizzled on hot metal for a count of three and then I pulled the knife away before it could adhere to the blade.

“Luciana? Hey, wake up.” Alicia urged her friend, patting her cheek.

I grabbed her wrist, “I still need to seal up the other side. It’s better if she’s asleep.”

“..Right.” She nodded, “Sorry, I’m just, this isn’t…”

I let go of her hand, “Bad day?” I put the knife back into the fire to heat back up and then rolled Luciana’s chest up onto my lap so she wasn’t face down in the dirt, and I had access to her other wound.

“Yeah uh, our helicopter was shot down last night. My dad.. Well my step, Travis, he didn’t make it.” Alicia’s hands clenched and her jaw worked to tamp down the emotion in her voice.

I pulled the rest of the bandage away and washed it gently, “That is a bad day.” I said, keeping my eyes down on what I was doing. This time when I pressed the hot metal to Luciana’s skin, she flinched, but didn’t wake.

Alicia hissed sympathetically, “I don’t know how you can do that.” Her voice mildly horrified.

“I’ve seen worse.” Charred corpses and bodies turning rancid with radiation sores and burns. There’s so much worse than the quiet sizzle of boiling blood on the knife. “Sometimes stitches are worse honestly.”

Alicia shook her head, finally unclenching when I dropped the knife into the dirt, “No way, I’ve seen stitches plenty of times and it’s not worse.” She couldn’t look away from the fresh burns.

“You’ve never worked inside an ER then,” I soaked some gauze pads from my first aid kit and pressed them to Luciana’s shoulders with an elastic bandage. As soon as the bandages were secured it was time to move. We made too much noise, and sat around for too long. Anyone watching nearby is going to find us. I say anyone, but I mean whoever is making the hairs on my neck stand up.

“We need to go.” I said quietly, looking around, “Someone’s watching us.”

“What?” Alicia’s head popped up and she turned around, “I don’t see anyone..”

I stomped out the fire and tied Luciana’s wrists together. I dropped everything else into my bag and tossed it into Alicia’s lap. “Hold that please.” I hooked Luciana’s arms over my head and hiked her up onto my back.

I started back for the ranch and Alicia hesitated long enough that she had to run after me, “Are you nuts? You can’t carry her all the way back to the ranch.”

“Keep your voice down.” Her face or not, this version of Lexa doesn’t seem to understand how to behave when things get dangerous, “It’s four miles, less if Pete sends someone to come pick us up.” I trust Pete to send someone long before I think that Jake guy is going to do it. His priorities are almost as skewed as mine.

Alicia hushed her voice asking, “Won’t it be faster if we carry her together?”

“No, if we need to run, we don’t want to be co-carrying. This way only one of us will fall behind.”

“Hey,” She put a hand on my arm. I looked up to see her staring me down, “I’m not going to leave you.”

A hundred things rose in my chest. Emotions. Memories. Words. Things I wanted to share- but.. Deep breath Clarke. “Thanks.”

“We don’t leave people behind.” She replied, as if that was the end of it.

I kept my thoughts to myself, shifting my shoulders so that Luciana’s arms were more comfortable around my neck, otherwise her shoulders are going to be jacked up for a few days. Carrying her helped me keep my mind off what Alicia said.

That mentality is so dangerous, it’s the reason why the Ark tried to fight for Finn after the massacre, it’s why we let Murphy back into the dropship even after everything he did, and it’s why we tried to steal the bunker from the rest of the kongeda. So that we never left anyone behind. Murphy’s case is the one time, the one time it worked out okay, and Raven would beg to differ on that. On the bright side, I’m one of her people? Doubtful. Likely I’m just yet another person who fits under the broad scope of, human being in the vicinity of another bleeding heart.

Fuck.. I guess that officially makes me a grounder now.

“Are you okay?” Alicia checked in with me, “How do you even know where you’re going? You said you weren’t from here.”

“I have a good memory for stuff like this.” And a spirit of life and death guiding me, but let’s save the antipsychotics for the second date. Heh, who knows if she even knows me.

“I guess you spent a lot of time outdoors? Before? You seem pretty comfortable out here.” She gestured around.

“Yeah, last few years.” I finally caught him in the corner of my eye, stalking us on the left, treating me as the vulnerable side. I didn’t see any weapons on him, but he could have a knife or a blade on his belt. “Living like this is pretty much the same as it was before, except there’s a lot more people wandering around the woods.” Why the hell didn’t I bring my sword? My eyes landed on the pistol in the back of Alicia’s jeans. Is she a good enough shot that I trust her?


End file.
